Review: Mars Attacks First Born #2- A kind hearted book about the will to survive

Writer: Chris Ryall and Sam Kieth
Artist: Sam Kieth
Publisher: IDW
Released: 25th June 2014

****Spoilers in review******

Mars Attacks First Born is a warm-hearted tale of human survival in a post alien invasion apocalyptic wasteland. The art makes you feel good about the characters. It makes you want to protect them, to save them from the rampaging aliens.

The characters in the book are survivors. Damaged adults and children who are doing all they can to survive, but they are not comic book, two-dimensional characters. They have a real feel of humanity about them. They care about each other, and they are fragile. They have coping mechanisms that are a bit weird, but it’s a very real, human weirdness, and it makes you root for each and every one of them.

The main two characters in the book are ‘Uncle Woody’ and his little niece, who he endearingly refers to as ‘Claire Bear.’ The little girl has been traumatised by the alien invasion. The trauma has made her lose her sight, and she is caring for an alien baby, convinced that it’s her child (because she found it, and that’s where babies come from isn’t it?)

At the end of issue #1 it appeared that the aliens had killed her Uncle Woody. This was so sad. How can she possibly survive without him? He was her only protector, giving her a sense of normalcy in a far from normal situation. Without her kindly uncle she is just a blind little girl, carrying an alien baby who she thinks is her own human child. She doesn’t stand a chance, does she?

Issue #2 begins with a confused and vulnerable Claire Bear meeting other survivors, two young boys and their traumatised Mother. This is great news, but what about her Uncle Woody? Is he really dead? Happily, no he is not. Issue  #2 sees him crawling back from underneath a pile of rubble because his niece needs him, and it has really, really made my day. Come on Uncle Woody, you can make it. Claire Bear is fine, but she needs her Uncle Woody to be well.

Mars Attacks is usually just silly comedy with goofy characters, like the recent Mars Attacks Judge Dredd book by Al Ewing. There is nothing wrong with that, but this is a far superior book. The best Mars Attacks book I’ve read in years. This is not just more alien silliness. It’s a great little tale about human survival, with highly distinctive art that perfectly matches the tone of the writing, and I love every single page of it. I was hoping that Uncle Woody wasn’t dead. He isn’t, and I’m so happy. Rating: 9/10

Blitz Review: Conan the Avenger #3- Slowly building, terrifically coloured

Writer: Fred Van Lente
Artist: Brian Ching
Colourist: Michael Atiyeh
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Released: 25th June 2014


What a great start to the day, reading a Conan book with political intrigue, gorgeous girls, scheming sorcerers, terrible beasts and Conan the Cimmerian right in the middle of it all.

This took a couple of re-reads, just to clarify in my mind exactly what was going on, and I really appreciated that as the artwork is gorgeous, in particular the dark colouring by Michael Atiyeh, so going back over the book to clarify a few points is an absolute delight.

 It’s been a great week for me, Conan wise. I've read two fantastic Conan books from Dark Horse comics, two books that have completely obliterated any feelings of depression that came from reading a couple of stupid superhero comics. King Conan Conqueror #5 was amazing and now this one. Both are excellent, even though they are very different books.

King Conan Conqueror #5 has a beautiful framing device of an older King Conan telling the tale of how he recovered a precious jewel and reclaimed his kingdom. There is an epic feel to it, and the Conan in the tale itself is a brawny colossus of a man, a man in his prime.

Conan the Avenger has a younger, almost playful and mischievous Conan, though when it comes time for battle he is still very much the Conan that we all know and love. Issue #3 clarifies the meat and potatoes of the story, and at the conclusion of the issue Conan accepts a role that will see him become a major player in the story that is unfolding. No longer is he an outside. He now has an important role, and a man who began the arc drinking alone in a tavern has found himself right in the middle of an internal, political power struggle between warring factions. Throw in some hack and slash action, some sorcery, a big old scary monster and some beautiful girls and you have everything you need for a classic Conan the Barbarian story.

I don’t know why, but I didn’t think that this book would impress me quite as much as it did, especially after reading the excellent King Conan Conquer #5, but this issue impressed me, a lot. The story, the art, the tone, the beautiful colouring. What a great book. Nice job to all involved, and I can’t wait for next month’s issue to see where this is all going, and how Conan takes centre stage and deals with the political machinations of that dastardly wizard and his pet goon monster. Great book, get it now.
Rating: 9/10

Blast Review: Justice League Dark #32- Oh crap, this one is usually quite good.

Writer: J.M. DeMatteis
Artist: Andres Guinaldo
Publisher: DC
Released 25th June 2014

So, here we go again. Can anybody in contemporary superhero comics write a satisfying conclusion to an arc these days? Okay, so this one wasn’t as soul destroying as some of the Jeff Lemire duds he’s lazily dumped onto the comic book reading public recently, but this conclusion to the recent JLD story arc was very damp and very squibby.

 I’ll do spoilers here by the way, not that this book deserves kid glove treatment, because it doesn’t. In the past few issues Nightmare Nurse got a little bit interesting. Was she good, or was she bad? Turns out she was some kind of soul sucking parasitic demon, but that’s okay apparently, because she’s a good soul sucking parasitic demon, even though that very concept makes absolutely zero sense to me. Since when did a creature that possesses your body and traps your soul in limbo become a bloody hero?

I’m not being stupid here am I? Perhaps Nightmare ‘Soul Sucking Parasitic Demon’ Nurse can get back into nursing and be put in charge of one of the New World Order’s eugenics, ooooops, sorry I meant 'vaccination’ programs? That’s the only way that this could make any sense, but no way is any mainstream comic book writer going to go anywhere near that one, are they?  The corporate career bloody cowards.

This book is stupid. People die, but don’t die and kisses happen, but they don’t mean what kisses mean. And it’s all a waste of time, and why the Hell am I talking about it? And why does Constantine have to call every single magic trick ever used by a villain a ‘cheap parlour trick?’ Hasn’t he got anything else to say? He’s supposed to be a witty man, isn’t he? Not somebody who just goes through the same old rubbish time after time after time until you remember that he is 1980’s character and everything about him, including his look screams late 1970’s, not 2014.

Oh crap, reality has busted the bubble again. What a shame, this book is usually okay, but this month it was awful, barely readable. I didn’t see the point in any of this. It offered nothing, and I’m surprised that I’ve managed to say so much about it. What a waste of my bloody time that was. Rating: 3/10

Ten warning signs that you might be a feminist liberal drip

(A feminist liberal drip is somebody stuck in the mainstream corporate control system/matrix. He/She is a slave to the New World Order who cannot think for him/herself.)

1- You think that there are no differences between men and women, and that anybody insisting that both sexes need completely different things, in both their work and family environments to live happy and contented lives are ‘sexist pigs.’

2- You regularly buy a ‘left-leaning’ mainstream newspaper and generally agree with the viewpoints spouted by that newspaper.

3- You think that ‘man made global warming’ is a slam dunk, scientifically proven fact, and that we should pay the new priest class of billionaire ‘experts’ carbon credits, much like we used to pay the Catholic church ‘Indulgences’ for our sins. If we don’t do this the planet will explode, or something, but you haven’t looked at any of the actual evidence, as that obviously will take time, and Al Gore is so trustworthy, and I’m sure he wouldn’t lie to us, would he?

4- You hated that ‘war criminal’ George Bush, and admire President Obama even though the policies and actions of Obama are almost identical to the policies and actions of Bush. The only difference being the words used to justify their actions, and the deliberate pandering of the media to their ‘liberal’ hero.

5- You laugh at the billions of people in world history who have talked about God and religion, thinking it’s just a silly tale about a spaghetti monster in the sky, whilst having great admiration for Charles Darwin and Richard Dawkins, two New World Order front men who have been pushed into their positions of prominence by a Satanic cult who hates humanity and works tirelessly to enslave, dumb-down and poison both you and your family.

6- You jump all over some white guy saying something vaguely racist, but when you see and hear real racism from black celebrities you look the other way.

7- You think that anybody criticising the obvious societal problems inherent with mass immigration and porous border control, both in the US and in the EU, is a ‘racist.’

8- You think that the public should be completely disarmed, and that the only group allowed to have guns should be the government, even though governments have murdered over 260 million people in the 20th century and are on course to murder over one BILLION people in the 21st.

9-  You are very supportive of ‘gay rights’ and think it’s perfectly normal and acceptable to have two men French kissing on day-time television as your ten-year old daughter looks on in stupefied horror. 

10- You think that all talk about GMO food, Chemtrails, Vaccinations, Fractional reserve banking, MK Ultra, Operation Gladio, Operation Northwoods, Operation Fast and Furious, Statism, Rockefeller Foundation, Carnegie Foundation, Rhodes scholarships, Bank of International Settlements, Banker funded NGO’s, Banker funded think-tanks, and bloody obvious insider Mafia groups like the Bilderberg group the Trilateral Commission and the Council on Foreign Relations is ‘silly conspiracy stuff,’ even though you know nothing about any of these subjects, and wouldn’t look at them if your life depended on it, which it does.

Review: King Conan The Conqueror Part 5 of 6: Masculinity fight-back

Artist: Tomas Giorello
Writer: Timothy Truman
Colourist: Jose Villarrubia
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Released: 25th June 2014

The work produced by the creative team of Truman, Giorello and Villarrubia on this latest re-telling of Robert E. Howard’s Hour of the Dragon has been amazing, there’s no other word for it. This story has been told over and over again, and I have read it many, many times. Yet when the latest issue comes out, as it did this week, it’s still the one comic book that I’m most looking forward to reading, even though I know the story inside out by now. That’s the biggest compliment that I can pay to it, that something so familiar is not in the least bit worn out, and is still as fresh as anything released today.

This issue is nearing the end of Howard’s tale now, and it follows on from the previous issue's cliff-hanger, with a Hammer Horror style Mummy walking menacingly towards our eponymous hero. You have to love the dialogue here, with the testosterone and masculine strength that pulsates through the artwork being perfectly realised in the actual words coming from Conan’s mouth. Without spoilers, (for those lucky few not yet familiar with the tale) the Mummy gives Conan a gift. Here’s how the subsequent conversation between Conan and said Mummy goes-

Conan- “Who are you?”
Mummy- “ I was Thoth-Mekhi. I am dead.”
Conan- “ Well, since you’re feeling so damned helpful, show me out of this cursed temple will you?”

Is that not beautiful? How Conan, completely unintimidated by any man, living or dead talks to the Mummy like it’s some kind of random bloke in the street who’s giving him directions. Conan really is a man from a lost past. A past where men acted like men, and politically correctness and the curse that is liberal feminism had yet to blight the body politic.

This is further confirmed in the next few pages where scantily clad temple prostitutes get drunk with a corrupt and decedent king. This is not portrayed as a good thing by the way. It’s portrayed as a bad thing, as something that weak cowardly men do rather than engage with life and taking charge of their own destinies. This is no dedication to licentiousness, drunkenness and abusing your ill-deserved social status (for all of you celebrity worshippers out there), no this is a warning about what happens when you act like a fool and not like a man.

The artwork throughout this book is of the highest possible calibre, and together with the colouring it creates an impression that you simply will not see in your average Wolverine or Batman book. Just look at the panels I’ve included alongside this review, and get the bloody book immediately. If you like good art then you’ll want to get this book. Put the feminist liberal guilt trip nonsense aside for a second and be a real bloody man, or a real bloody woman, and just buy the bloody book.

This series ends next month, but if you haven’t been following it don’t worry. There will be two trade paperbacks coming out very soon that collect all twelve issues of the run. If you haven’t been following this run you need to get those two books as soon as they are released, and if you have been following this run, you need to pick them up as well, but you already know that.

This has been good. No, it’s been more than good. This is Conan being told as Conan should be told, and in this cultural wasteland of 2014 we should be immensely grateful that Darkhorse comics is still putting out books that don’t pander to the bullshit feminist liberal agenda that is poisoning all of the younger generations of comic book fans, heads full as they are with Rockefeller nonsense from their years of incarceration, mind-control indoctrination at school, college and university.

This is a book with red blood and a strong anti-authoritarian, masculine heartbeat. Do you realise how rare that is today? There are hints that the creative team will continue to work on more Conan stories past this run, and we’ll get more news on that next month. I’m sure they’ll continue. They have to continue. I can hear Conan himself roaring his demand through this generation of defeated male comic-com attending, emasculated guilt-tripping, soft dullards. ‘Oh you shall continue. By Crom I demand that you do.’ Do not ignore Conan, it would be unwise to do so.
Rating: 10/10

Review: C.O.W.L #2- A reality check for comic book fans

Writer: Kyle Higgins and Alec Siegel
Artist: Rod Reis
Publisher: Image comics
Released: 25th June 2014

There are two moments in this second issue of C.O.W.L that really crystallise where I am with super hero comics in 2014, and perhaps where the comic book industry itself should be, at least if they want to be honest with themselves.

The first moment is when a sulky young boy disrespects his father because he doesn’t have super powers. He’s a child, and he likes the idea of special powers, and cool looking costumes. Being a good, honest person who stands up for what is right over what is wrong is not enough to impress his child’s mind, and that is understandable, because he is a child.

The second moment is when the girlfriend/wife of a character surveys her partner with a slightly fed up look, telling him ‘Maybe it’s finally time to move on from the super-heroes.’

These two moments sum up the state of most adult, comic book readers today. If you obsess over costumed heroes you are a child, and you need to grow up. Let’s be honest here, because that’s what you are. You are not being ‘knowing’ or ‘ironic,’ you are a child.  A costumed hero existing in a mainstream comic book in a 2014 context is stupid. Why is it stupid?  I'll make myself very clear on this point, because it's important.

Superheroes don't have to be stupid, but as they are written in contemporary comic books they are as stupid as a cartoon coyote chasing a cartoon Roadrunner in a rocket propelled jetpack. The only difference is that the cartoon coyote is self evidently ludicrous, whilst the superhero comic book genre wraps itself up in adult themes, playing at being grown up.

In reality the average comic book fan is a fat, middle aged call centre worker going to a Comic-Com in a silly cape on the weekend where he will hero worship artists and writers who only tolerate his existence because they are eyeing his wallet. As they sit down and make money out of these lines and lines of sheep-like idiots one thing is going through their minds, ‘God, I’m glad I’m not that guy. What a total and utter loser.’

They put up with these stunted adults because they want to suck as much money out of them as possible, and they respect their opinions and reviews of their comics (mine included) about as much as they respect the opinions of their pet hamster. It’s a big joke, and the soft and pathetic ‘adults’ queuing up to pay homage to the (largely talentless) writers and artist’s who hate the sight of them, is as depressing a spectacle as I can possibly imagine. This might not be a popular thing to say, but it is true.

If you are a grown man, and into superhero comics in 2014 then you are a fucking idiot. Now that’s harsh language, and I don’t like to swear, but it has to be done. Comic book fans need a serious reality check, whether they like it or not. I’ll explain why.

Can Superman fly over to Iraq and have a chat with the terrorist group called ISIS? No, he can’t. Why? Because if he did, writers would have to explain to their readers what ISIS really is, and who created them. That would be the United States, their intelligence agencies and their allies in certain Gulf States. This would lead to the questioning of whether or not America are the good guys, as the comic books still portray them, or just a collection of corporate and banking interests that use the abstract idea of ‘America’ as a front for their global profit making activities.

In short, you would be calling out the idea of the legitimacy of one group of rich and largely unaccountable people treating millions of people like slaves to carry out their corrupt and immoral business dealings. If Superman were a real person, you’d think he’d be interested in all of this, wouldn’t you? Don’t you think he’d also have something to say about recent history? How about the illegal Iraq war based on a now widely acknowledged deliberate deception? The plight of the Palestinian people in Gaza would be interesting to him, don’t you think? How about the fact that ‘America’ supports a nation (Saudi Arabia) that discriminates against 50% of its population solely based on their gender? What about the recent revelations by Edward Snowden that we are all living in a global surveillance state? Would Superman not care about any of these issues? Or would he just spend his time watching football and reality television whilst eating genetically modified food and chanting,  "USA, USA, USA," as he drank himself into a coma every night?

And that’s why superheroes are pretty stupid in a 2014 context. All you can do with them is treat them as a joke, or set the clock back and put them in an alternative world, perhaps in the past where you can place them in a safe historical setting before 9/11 and the phoney ‘War on terror.’

That’s what writers Kyle Higgins and Alec Siegel are doing in C.O.W.L, a book safely set in 1962, a time where he can blame everything on Chicago ‘Gangsters’ rather than the real world gangsters of 2014, them being the corporate men and women in official uniforms.

That’s not to say that this book is completely worthless, because in the small scope it has given itself for socio-political commentary it can still say something about the nature of the state manufacturing a new threat for itself in a cold war context. Yeah, I know what a lot of people are thinking, ‘Not the bloody cold war again,' and yes, I’m thinking that myself. But at least in this book you have the writers acknowledging that a Police state continually has to invent new ‘threats’ to justify it’s existence. Sure they’re not going to talk about the creation of Al ‘CIA’ Durrr and their new friends in ISIS, but for a stupid comic book about superheroes this is probably as good as you are going to get nowadays.

That’s pretty depressing don’t you think? That the closest thing we get to reality in a superhero comic in 2014 is more cold war stuff set in the 1960’s. Think about that, and think about why you probably shouldn't bother reading superhero comic books anymore, at least until somebody is brave enough to stick his head above the parapet and start relating them to actual, contemporary issues. But until that time, and unless you are a small child, you probably shouldn’t be wasting your time with stupid superhero comic books. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of escapist fantasy, but wilful ignorance is not a quality you want to aspire to as a grown adult, and that stupid cape and pants over your wives tights really isn’t doing anything for you.
Rating: 6/10

Blitz Review: Justice League #31- Lex and Bruce have an interesting chat

Writer: Geoff Johns
Artist: Doug Mahnke
Publisher: DC
Released: 25th June 2014

Although the front cover of this issue is misleading, I forgive that needless deception as the story within of Lex Luthor telling a bluffing Bruce Wayne that he knows he’s Batman is well told and entertaining. The art is weirdly inconsistent with some excellent large panels, and awful facials in the smaller ones. The plot of a new threat is moved a little bit further forward, even if the ending is a bit lame, and there’s a playful comedy interlude to lighten things up as well. Overall, and as one of the very few superhero books that I still get on a monthly basis, it was okay. I enjoyed it, and there was no feminist liberal or statist nonsense to offend. That’s good enough for me, and I’ll keep on buying the book. Rating: 7/10

Review: Trees #2- Watching Trees Grow

Writer: Warren Ellis
Artist: Jason Howard
Publisher: Image Comics
Released: 25th June 2014

Writer Warren Ellis is putting a lot of trust in his readers in this issue. Is he that big a name in comic books that he can get away with this? Will people still read his books, much like a Stephen King novel, just because it has his name on it? I’m not sure, but this is a risk in my opinion.

 Issue #2 of Trees does next to nothing to hook the reader or make him/her want to stick with this book for the long run, unless you are a fan of the writer and trust him to tell a decent story after this extremely slow and uneventful start.

How can anybody rate this book when very little happens? It’s impossible, because all you get is some very slow character building and hints about what is going to happen next. The hints include the origin of a plant, leftist revolutionaries, a magic old man, political questioning about the motives of the trees and that’s it. Nothing exciting happens, at all. Everything is subtle and slow, building for what will happen next.

Is this going to be enough for the attention deficit generation that wants instant drama, action scenes and clearly defined heroes and villains? This book is dangerously close to real life, in that it’s very slow and people are just moodily doing their jobs whilst swearing a bit at each other in a half hearted attempt to appear ‘cool.’

I’m not even sure who most of the people are, or whether or not I like any of them. This book is more like the real world than is healthy. Will people enjoy this? Will they have the patience to hang in there? What the hell are average comic book reviewers who read and enjoy stupid Avengers and Batman books going to make of this one? I tell you this much. I can’t wait to read their utterly confused reviews.

My own opinion is that this will probably read better in trade. It’s intriguing, and things are obviously being set up for a bit more excitement later on, but it’s taking its sweet bloody time, and at the moment everything is up in the air. It could be good, or it could be bad.

There’s nothing great about issue #2 though, and don’t believe anybody who says otherwise. This is a set up book, and reading it as a single issue is a very underwhelming experience. That’s not to say that it’s horrible, because it isn’t. There’s a story developing here, just don’t expect too much from it at this early stage. At the moment it’s walking at a very slow pace, and it’s not particularly bothered if anybody is waiting around for it. Rating 6/10 (Rating is for the single issue, not an indictment of the overall story that has yet to develop). 

Graphic Novel Review: ‘Whispers’ by Joshua Luna- A quick peak down the rabbit hole.

Writer and artist: Joshua Luna
Publisher: Image comics
Released: 11th June 2014
Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/joshualunacreations

I read this book in a two day lunch period at work, and perhaps it was this environment that led to some initial confusion on my part. I came to the end of the book, amidst the whiff of floor bleach, discarded junk food wrappers, idiotic BBC news propaganda and the ever-looming deadline of getting back to work. Therefore the finer points of the book were missed, and I finished the book feeling that it was pretty good, but not 100% understanding what had gone on. This is a good thing by the way. I want my mind to be properly exercised, and as long as the narrative makes sense when I do a quick re-wind over it, I’m perfectly happy with the initial confusion.

After re-reading parts of the book that confused, I was happy to find out (as I much expected) that the book was pretty good, and that any confusion was from my own work addled brain and the context where I was reading the book. I’m not going to run down the plot here, as that will spoil it for anybody yet to read it for themselves. I can give you a quick sketch though.

It’s about an insecure bloke discovering that he can leave his physical body when asleep, and in this state he can subtly influence the actions of others. This might sound like a lot of fun, but it’s not quite as simple as you might think. The plot is a big rabbit hole, and although it doesn’t get to the core of the nature of reality it does offer an emotionally engaging plot where we follow a group of troubled people and their struggles in this physical manifestation of the ultimate reality.

The art, if you just flick through the book before reading, doesn’t look that impressive. It has a two dimensional aspect to it, that can look a bit amateurish, but once you read the first few pages you’ll forget about that and just enjoy the story that’s unfolding. I had a problem with differentiating some of the faces near the end of the book, but apart from that the art, although not of the highest quality, is functional throughout.

The main protagonist was a soft liberal drip, so he wasn’t exactly somebody that I was rooting for, but the plot unravelled like a clever theatre production, so it was always interesting, right up until the final denouement. It also asked a few questions about the nature of reality and free-will, so I appreciated that as well.

Writer Joshua Luna could have done more with the structural framework of the story, so I hope he goes back to the concept, perhaps with other characters to get the most out of it. Perhaps he could do his next book on the bankster owned scum politicians who create so much chaos and destruction in the world whilst using the corporate mainstream media to bombard us with lies and fear to control us? Do these corporate controllers have free will? Or are they being manipulated by hidden forces further down the rabbit hole? That would be nice to investigate don’t you think?

That would be a good story to tell, and would take this concept to the next level, making it relevant to real world issues, rather than just being the pleasant, creative distraction that it is at the moment. But until then this was a pretty involving, well told tale of one man and his journey down the first level of the rabbit hole.

Because the book doesn’t get quite as deep into the rabbit hole as I would have liked, and because the art wasn’t top notch, I cannot give it the highest possible marks. I can however recommend it, as it’s a good story, well told, with some creative elements that make it a lot more interesting than your average statist superhero comic book.
Rating: 7/10

Theatre Review: ‘Nightmare’ by the Western Players- Swindon Art’s Centre- 19th June 2014

‘Nightmare’- A suspense play by Norman Robbins.
Performed by: The Western Players.
Cast: Karen Evans, Sarah Cousens, Tony Manders, Matt King, David Cousens, Annie Harvey, Helen Pain and Mark O’Donnel.
Produced by: Stuart Jackson.
Performance Date: Thursday 19th June 2014
Location: The Arts Centre, Devizes Road, Old Town, Swindon.
Website: http://www.westernplayers.co.uk/comingsoon.htm


It’s the undetermined, unpredictable nature of professional sports that is supposedly the lure for those watching it, but when it comes to the England football team usual rules do not apply. You know exactly what is going to happen, every single time. The fans are going to get their hopes up, the players are going to sound upbeat and positive, stating that this time it’s going to be different, and then the actual match happens and they do what they always do. They slip on a banana skin, fall spectacularly on their face and then spend the next few weeks moaning about how unlucky they were.

So when there was a choice between watching a new play, ‘Nightmare’ by the Western Players, and the latest England team world cup debacle, there was no choice at all. The play won hands down. I would laugh at the prank falls performed by the England comedy football team later on, learning that they had once again shot themselves in the foot, just like they always do. Some things never change, but on to the play.

I went into this play completely cold, as I always do. That’s how I get the most out of both theatre and film. To go in there with only the broadest of outlines on what I am going to watch, then sit down and let the experience take me where it may. All I knew was that it was a ‘suspense play,’ and that it was to be performed by a group called ‘The Western Players.’ I had no prior knowledge about the plot, themes or setting, so when things happened before me I could enjoy them as something completely brand new, and enjoy them as such.

The performance opened with a simple staging of a comfortable, yet slightly dated living room, and the set did not change throughout the entire duration of the play. There were some sound effects, but that was all. All of the drama unfolds within that one setting, and without spoilers, that seemingly inconsequential factor will play a huge role in later events.

There were seven performers in the play, with some better than the others, but all performers were clear and precise in the delivery of their lines. There was no mumbling, and no confusion about what was being said. As an audience member I always knew what was going on, and how the plot was progressing. It’s difficult to pinpoint my favourite performer, but special mention must be made to Sarah Cousens and her portrayal of a kind-hearted character who is both devastated and confused by unfolding events, and Karen Evans in her audience favourite portrayal of the local town gossip.

This however is an ensemble piece where all performers are needed to service the plot of misdirection, false leads and surprises. It’s one of those plays where you think you know what is about to unfold, but are then delighted to find out that you have been just as confused about events as some of the characters themselves.

The key to a play such as this is clarity. You have to know exactly what is happening to fully enjoy events as they unfold. ‘Nightmare’ is performed with perfect clarity, and the plot has an easy, enjoyable simplicity about its execution. There is no sense of ‘missing the clue’, and there is a delightful moment at the conclusion of the play when the audience realises exactly what has happened, and all of the consequences that this now entails.

‘Nightmare’ by the Western Players is a wonderful play that I have no hesitation in recommending. It’s a play of misdirection with a delightfully shocking denouement that will have you leaving the theatre very much satisfied with what you have just experienced.  I’ll conclude this review by stating the obvious, that my decision to miss the all-too predictable football match and watch a far less predictable, and far more enjoyable play in the Swindon Art’s Centre was a very good decision indeed. Rating: 8/10

Movie review: Hobo with a Shotgun- Rutger Hauer slumming it

Stars: Rutger Hauer, Molly Dunsworth.
Director: Jason Eisener
Released: January 2011
Website: http://www.magnetreleasing.com/hobowithashotgun/
Wiki page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobo_with_a_Shotgun

What am I doing reviewing one of those silly exploitation flicks that glorify bad 1970’s cinema, whilst ignoring all of the important issues of the times in which we are actually living? I know what I’m going to get so why bother? Why put myself through the agony? It would be like buying a Marvel comic where a team of dumb ass government agents fly around the world like super aerobicised morons, saving the world from ‘evil,’ whilst ignoring all of the obvious evil emanating from the country that they’re actually living in, and then wasting my time even further by writing a critical review about how stupid it all is. A total waste of time, right? And that’s why I don’t review Marvel comics anymore. Why waste my time by stating the obvious? So why am I reviewing a blood and guts torture movie made by middle class media students? I already know what I’ll get, so what’s the point?  I’ll explain myself.

First off, I didn’t pay for the movie. I recorded it, late night, on a horror movie channel, and later on when I was half dozing after a night shift of work I had it on in the background, determining to give it five minutes of my time before deleting it, and never thinking about it ever again.

So I gave it five minutes, and to my immense surprise, ended up watching the entire movie. The main reason was the lead, Rutger Hauer, or the blonde villain from Blade Runner, and the second reason was that the villains were convincing in that they got off on their evil acts, and I wanted to hang around to see them get their comeuppance at the conclusion of the movie, which of course they did.

The movie looks awful when it’s shot outside, where the film-makers don’t have the budget to make it look like anything other than a cheaply shot, low budget video nasty. Shooting in what appears to be a nice middle class suburb doesn’t help either. There’s no sense of danger, no threat. It just looks like a bunch of actors messing around outside their Mom’s house.

The cast of extras are particularly awful in this movie, in that they look like comfortable middle class media students, all just happy to be there, having a great time and trying to get their trendy goateed faces on the camera. That’s not good. They are supposed to be beaten down and corrupted victims of a psychopathic gangster who controls the town, not soft suburbanites who haven’t had a day’s hardship in their entire lives.

It looks a lot better when the action is shot inside, as the lighting is much easier to control and they go for an overly stylised, almost trippy look that has a sense of dirt and grime that the outside shots cannot match. This makes me question the decisions made by the director. If the outside, daylight shots look bad, why use them at all? Shoot it at night, and hide it.

Rutger Hauer is mostly decent in his role of the vigilante who fights back against the corrupt gangsters and cops that are controlling the city, and some of his lines are well written and memorable. I also liked the main female lead and her relationship with Hauer was convincing and touching. The best villain was Slick, a particularly weasly, wimpy, sadistic, nasty piece of work. A spoilt daddy’s boy, who gets off on abusing his power, it’s very satisfying when he gets what he deserves near the end of the movie.

I disliked the close-up, graphic violence that the movie often times revelled in, and thought a lot of it was a bit over the top, a bit unnecessary, particularly the scene where Slick takes a saw to the neck of the female lead. That was nasty, and it didn’t add anything to the movie. You don’t have to show that kind of thing, and when you do so it just shows a lack of imagination. Some of the blood bag splatters were pretty unconvincing as well. Is it supposed to be fake or gross? This movie did both, and I didn’t like either approach.

As the end credits rolled I was largely glad that I didn’t delete this movie after the first five minutes. Some of it looked awfully cheap, and I disliked the unnecessarily graphic, over the top violence, but some of it worked really well. My lasting image is of a scene where Rutger Hauer talks to a ward of new-born babies in a hospital. It looked great, and the dialogue really had some power to it as well. I’d recommend you hang in there with this movie, give it a chance and keep watching until the ending where the bad guys get what they deserve. Some of the dialogue is really well written, and there are a couple of decent performances in there as well. I could have done without all of the blood and torture scenes, but there’s a good movie lurking in there somewhere. Rating: 6.5/10

Review: Red Sonja #10- Emasculated men and women in charge

Story: Gail Simone
Art: Walter Geovani
Publisher: Dynamite Comics
Released: 18th June 2014

Gail Simone has been having a bit of fun with Red Sonja recently, and in issue #10 she continues to portray the scantily clad warrior as somebody having a bit of a laugh. That’s okay, but when this current story- arc concludes I hope that the book starts to offer something more than just another feminist liberal chuckle.

This issue of Red Sonja will be remembered as the one where Sonja has a bit of fun with a dandy swordsmen who call himself ‘the untouched,’ not just because no opponent can lay a sword on him, but because (to Sonja’s dismay) he has vowed to remain chaste until somebody bests him in battle.

You can tell where the story is going from the very beginning, with Sonja clumsily duelling with the fop before getting serious at the end and showing him who’s the star (and boss) of the book.  It was fun, although the art was sometimes a little inconsistent.

Some reviewers will laud this book as being a champion of women’s rights as it portrays female characters in a strong and dominant role. This claim would have more substance if that was something unusual in contemporary comics, but that is not the case.

Gender roles are not being reversed in this book, as women get the better of feminised, emasculated men in just about every mainstream comic book on the market today. It’s the same in television shows and movies as well. Women are in charge, and men are fools, sexless metrosexuals or evil villains. In that regard this is a book of its time, where men are a bit of a joke and women are in charge.

So why am I reading what I myself would describe as feminist liberal book? After all, doesn’t this portrayal of emasculated masculinity weaken traditional gender roles, confusing not only young men but women as well?

Yes, it does, and it produces an enfeebled society where ‘useless’ men are removed from the family, replaced by the state and an ‘independent’ women who is nothing more than a slave to the centralised control system. This book undoubtedly plays it’s role in making this happen, and I’m very aware of that.

So again, why am I reading it? Because I’m still reacting as programmed by my liberal education I guess, where male guilt commands me to applaud any female portrayed in a dominant, masculine role. That’s probably the real, honest answer to my own question. I have been programmed, and I’m very aware of that. My goal now is to break the programming, but it’s bloody hard to do so.

Gail Simone is subconsciously playing into a larger agenda that she is probably unaware of. I don’t deny that she is very good at telling a joke, and as the one feminist liberal comic book on my pull list I’m still laughing at it, even though it’s starting to get a little uncomfortable for me now.

Will I still be following this book in a few months’ time? That’s the question here. If all it’s offering is a politically correct joke, why would somebody like myself who is looking to expand his critical awareness and consciousness bother to hang around? For the time being I’ll follow this story through to the end and see where the next arc is going. If it’s just more feminist liberal jokes then I’ll say goodbye to Red Sonja, but I’ve followed Gail Simone for a long time now, so I’ll give her another chance before moving on.
Rating: 7/10

Blitz Review: Witchfinder ‘The Mysteries of Unland’ #1- Monster detective fun

Writers: Kim Newman and Maura McHugh
Artist: Tyler Crook
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Released: 18th June 2014

If you like a slice of Victorian era, gothic, detective/monster genre action then this is the book for you. It begins formulaically with a murder victim on the slab, the mysterious manner of his death explained, and the reluctant detective being sent to the typically strange village where the ensuing drama will unfold.

Unlike many detective books where the mystery has supernatural beginnings that eventually prove to be very human, this book makes a point of introducing the supernatural elements early, thus informing the reader that this story will include both the criminal and the supernatural.

The artwork is imaginative, well coloured and atmospheric throughout, and the tone is of a suspenseful detective thriller, of a mystery to be solved by a famous detective.

A standout moment, both in terms of art, and as a story-telling device, is the moment when a Police Constable gives his own theory on the murder. For a few pages the coloured art switches to black and white and it’s illustrated in a style reminiscent of a Jack the Ripper era tabloid newspaper. It’s a lot of fun, and it works very well, breaking up the story with an amusing interlude, before letting the narrative get back on schedule as we follow the detective in his further enquiries.

I very much enjoyed this book, and will read the next four issues as a bit of escapist, detective, gothic monster fun. There are no underlying themes or issues to be overly concerned with here. It’s set in a no-time past. The characters exist to service the narrative. They are clichés, but largely harmless.

The story is essentially warning about snake oil salesmen. Don’t expect originality, and don’t expect any socio-political insights into the nature of this, or any other reality. This is a detective book set in Ye-Olde-England, semi-mythological times. If you like mysteries, detectives and gothic stories then you’ll probably like it, and the art is pretty decent as well. I don’t have any problem with this kind of comic book. It’s fun. That’s all.
Rating: 8/10

Blitz Review: Winter World #1- Snow flakes and drama

Writer: Chuck Dixon
Artist: Butch Guice
Publisher: IDW
Released: 18th June 2014


There’s an interesting addendum to this first issue of Winter World where writer Chuck Dixon explains that he’s going to try to stay clear of the climate change/global-warming debate when writing this book. Personally speaking I’d like to see somebody take a stand and go up against the crooks who want to use natural weather fluctuations to tax and control us, but even though that’s not going to happen here, I still enjoyed reading the book.

Winter World is going to be about the inherent drama that comes from following two people in a dystopic frozen wasteland as they struggle for survival and explore themselves in ways that can only come to light when individuals are faced with the most dire of circumstances. I’m okay with that, as the two protagonists (a loner protective male type and an ebullient young girl) are instantly likeable and I want to see how they get on in this horrible frozen wasteland that they’ve found themselves in.

I didn’t find the front cover very appealing, but the interior art looks very good, with the backgrounds of a snowy wasteland and perpetual blizzard being perfect atmosphere setting fodder.

I like the fact that the story is easy to follow, it has moments of playfulness and fun (they have a pet badger), and things happen almost immediately. They find an old aircraft carrier stuck in the snow, steal a cool jeep thing and get attacked by a Mad Max type group with wolves. That’s a lot for issue #1. But it never seems crowded, and it never confuses either.

I like the book. I like the people in the book, I like the art, and I’m adding this one to my pull list.

The book isn’t going to be taking on Al Gore and his bankster friends, but as long as you don’t expect it to, I think you’ll get a lot of enjoyment out of the story. The writer appears to know what he’s doing, and there should be some good emotional drama coming from the book in the next few months. It’s a promising, highly competent start, check it out. Rating: 8/10

Blast Review: Thomas Alsop #1- American Constantine

Writer: Chris Miskiewicz
Artist: Palle Schmidt
Publisher: Boom Studios
Released: 18th June 2014

My initial impression on reading the preview for Thomas Alsop was, ‘Oh, so they are going to try and launch an American version of John Constantine then.’ Now after reading the book I can confirm that my initial impression was 100% correct. That’s all I really need to say about it. It’s Constantine, but in Manhattan New York. The titular character is from an old American family that protects Manhattan from supernatural stuff. He drinks a lot, thinks it’s very cool to do so, does some reality television and blogs (to make him seem contemporary) and that’s it.

If you want to see the glorification of degenerate alcoholism with some ghosts thrown in, and echoes of the recent past of native people’s and slave ships then you might be interested in picking up this book. The art is okay. I liked it. It’s a bit scrambled, smudged and loose, and it fits the character of Alsop himself. A man who drinks, smokes and acts like John Constantine with an American accent.

This brings me to the reason why I can’t really be arsed with the book. It’s all very corporate focus group and box-ticking fake ‘rebellious.’ It feels second hand and forged, and there's something very unappealing about it all. Perhaps it's the smugness, perhaps it's the insistence that the main character is interesting, when he really isn't, but there's something really unlikeable about the whole project. And just because you talk about reality television and a blog it doesn’t mean that your mindset isn’t still stuck in the early 1990’s.

There is nothing new about this book, nothing exciting, nothing cutting edge and ultimately there’s no reason to buy it. If you want Constantine then get some of the old Hellblazer books, the good ones from 1988 that you can still get on Amazon in trade paperback. Thomas Alsop needs to be kicked out of his too cool for school drunken lethargy. He also needs to be told to stop pretending that it’s the early 1990’s, and to stop play-acting like he’s John Constantine. Constantine was good, back in the day (as none of the kid’s say), but generations have come and gone since, and an American clone in 2014 just doesn’t cut the mustard. This is derivative, and ultimately, pointless. Oh, and being a drunken celebrity really isn’t cool. Never was, never will be. Rating 4/10

Black metal review: Searing Fires and Lucid Visions by Adustum

Website: http://users.telenet.be/teo/xxiii/
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/adustumofficial

I have to say a few words about this music, as I’ve been listening to it pretty much non-stop for a month now, blasting out my car speakers as I go through the monotony of day to day routine, navigating through the indifferent masses, as they go to work, pick up the kids, go back to work, do the supermarket shopping, drop off the kids, go back to work, drop off the kids and so on and on, forever and ever in mind numbing, pointless, selfish, apathetic eternity.

You need something with passion when all you are surrounded by is faceless apathy and suburban cowardice and conformity. It’s enough to make you scream, make you want to dive back into the past, a past of passion and tribal identity where you knew who you were, what you were doing, and where you were going to. Not endless consumerism, routine, work to pay the interest repayments, all to private banks, who don’t exist because that’s a ‘conspiracy theory.’

Oh, how sick the world is today and how dumbed down the television numbed masses. The newer generations dumber than the last, spiralling down until there is no knowledge, no wisdom, just selfish career obsession and haircuts.

Where is the passion? Where is the life? There is none where I live, and so I dive into music. But the music is dead. Where is the passion in corporate music that pushes materialism and emptiness to those same masses I pass by in my car, blank faces thinking about work and relationship problems? So boring, so empty, and so I look for music out of the ordinary. Music that transcends the mainstream mind programming emptiness. But how to find it? I don’t know, you just look, and look, and look, and look, and occasionally you find something like this.

Adustum- Searing Fires and Lucid Visions http://adustum.bandcamp.com/album/searing-fires-and-lucid-visions

The entire album is just over 30 minutes long, but that’s all you need. It begins with a cry to the otherwordly, and it already transcends the banal. The drum pumps a beat of blood, and the guitars wail in anger. A guttural, powerful, urgent voice cries out to the daemon it will conjure through the gates of Hell, whether that daemon likes it or not. This is no request; it’s a demand. It’s a cry of life, of red-blooded male passion and testosterone in a world of oestrogen apathy and guilt tripping liberal feminist politically correct tolerance where nobody has an opinion, nobody has a personality, and nobody has any sense of life about them. Oh, we shall offend. This will offend. Turn it up, spray the suburbs red with blood sound noise of life. Click the links, buy it now. Rating: 10/10

Ten signs that you might be a feminist liberal drip

1- You get angry and upset if a woman is not portrayed as the powerful, independent, in-charge protagonist of the latest television show.

2- You get your ‘politics’ from television clowns Stephen Colbert, John Stewart and Bill Maher.

3- You get outraged about the latest ‘sexist,’ ‘racist’ or ‘homophobic’ scandal on the news, but couldn’t care less about what is going on in a country like Saudi Arabia, a country that really is sexist, racist and homophobic and largely pays for the news that you are watching.

4-  You are ‘anti-war,’ but somehow drone bombings, sanctions, funding foreign terrorists and Blackwater type private armies don’t count as ‘war.’

5- You get outraged when a rich white guy says something racist about black people, but when a black celebrity says something similar about white people you couldn’t care less.

6- You think it’s ‘racist’ to allow unchecked immigration into your country, even though you now have two media degrees and are working for minimum wage in a coffee shop.

7- You don’t understand why all the hot girls like football playing jerks and are not interested in a ‘nice’ and ‘sensitive’ guy like you.

8- You don’t know anything about fractional reserve banking, GMO food, chemtrails, false-flag attacks, mainstream media manipulation of ‘news,’ or anything else that has a huge impact on your life, and if somebody tries to give you information about these topics you run away shouting, ‘conspiracy theory.’

9- You have a gay best friend, drink too much and complain about how unhappy you are when you are (frequently) drunk.

10- You sign up for the latest charity event to raise money for 'cancer research’, but when somebody gives you information about how cancer cures are being suppressed and it’s all one big money making con, you are not interested.

Book review: War God- A devil pretending to be a God

Author: Graham Hancock
Publisher: Coronet
Released: 30th May 2013

First off, this is an extremely enjoyable and emotionally engaging book. It's not history, but it takes historical events and brings them to life through the fictionalised first person point of view narratives of various people set in historical settings. There is the gold and conquest crazed Spanish, who are seen through the eyes of a fourteen-year-old slave boy, as well as a bloodthirsty psychopathic lieutenant, and Cortez himself, who is written as an ambitious, conquest hungry violent man who justifies his actions through a highly dubious and unconvincing reading of the Bible, and instructional dreams of `Saint Peter,' who is most probably a demon intent on causing as much death and misery as possible.

The Mayan, Aztec and Mexica people are seen through the eyes of a slave girl witch who escapes the gruesome `fattening pen,' a beautiful courtesan/prostitute, a rival war chieftain who opposes the sacrifice crazed Mexica, and the leader of the Mexica, the historical Moctezuma, who is portrayed as a cowardly psychopath who is being manipulated by a blood thirsty demon who has disguised itself as a God.

The most interesting thing about this book is not the individuals themselves, but the `Gods' who are manipulating the story through their influence on the main characters in the narrative. These `Gods' appear in different forms to the different characters, but they all appear to have one thing in common. That being, they want blood, and they want as much blood as is possible. Gods, or demons pretending to be Gods?

It's a fascinating question, and one that has as much relevance today as it did back in the times of Cortez and Moctezuma. This book is just the beginning of the story of the Spanish conquest of Mexico. It follows the Spanish into their first major battle, and as it ends they have their eyes on the big prize. The city of Tenochtitlan, the capital city of the Mexica, and the land that promises the Gold that the Spanish are prepared to butcher and murder for. It's a fantastic beginning, and the epic first battle between the technological advanced Spanish war machine and a woefully unprepared and overmatched Mayan tribe is awful, yet highly informative. Telling the reader exactly how such a small band of just five hundred men defeated a huge army of tens of thousands of brave but technologically overmatched warriors.

In conclusion, this is a fantastic page turning work of historical fiction. The big problem was always going to be that the Spanish were obviously murderous scumbags, and the Aztecs themselves were human sacrifice hungry scumbags as well. How do you pull for either side, when both sides consist of serial killing, murderous psychopaths who are perfectly willing to butcher thousands of people to serve their own war Gods, who are almost certainly the same demons pretending to be Gods, in order to get both sides butchering each other?

It could have been an insurmountable problem, but by telling the story through characters on both sides who are essentially slaves, the author (Graham Hancock) largely gets around this problem, as the reader can pull for the individual rather than either sides of the psychopathic, blood thirsty, warring armies.

When you finish a book and your first reaction is disappointment that you've finished and there's nothing more to read, you know the author has done his job. That's how I felt after reading War God: Nights of the witch. Luckily for me, and anybody else reading this fantastic book, this book is just the beginning. The story will continue in, War God: Return of the plumed serpent. Put my name down for that one as well. I'm looking forward to reading it already. Rating: 10/10

Blast Review: Dryspell #1: Watchmen fail

Writer and artist: Ken Krekeler
Publisher: Action Lab comics
Released: 28th May 2014

This was really disappointing, for a number of reasons. Firstly, it is an independent comic book, and I really want to like and support independent comic book creators. Secondly, it started with a quote from Alan Moore that insulted the reader, and although I love Alan Moore, insulting the reader is never a good thing. And lastly, and most importantly, the story really wasn’t very good.

 It looked great, from the cover to the grainy, scratchy, intense and interesting art and panels, but the story wasn’t up to much at all. I can see why artist and writer Ken Krekeler used the Alan Moore quotation though, because this is yet another take on the Watchmen book from 1987, as if we need any more of them, sigh. I like your art Ken, but you need to work with a writer who has some new ideas. Sorry mate, but it’s the truth.

The plot follows a very dull man who works in an office. He’s revealed to be a retired super villain and we follow him as he’s coaxed out of retirement, takes drugs in a night-club and has the kind of lonely and embarrassing night-club experience that I’m sure all of us have endured at least once in our lives. That’s all you get here and I’ve already forgotten the ending as it was so unmemorable that by the time I got there I was speed reading through the pages and rapidly losing interest in the book.

This is such a shame. I loved the art, but there’s no story there. Please, please, please let the Watchmen go. It was a 1980’s thing. Cold war tensions you know? It’s 2014 now, and there are lots of new things to write about. There’s been a couple of illegal wars and relevations that we are living in a rapidly expanding global Police state, if you hadn't noticed. Plenty of material, if you want to be relevant and talk about the world we are living in today.

 I feel terrible about slating this book, but what can you do? One of the panels near the end looked fantastic, with all of this beat style writing that looked great, and read great as well. But the foundation isn’t there to support the style. It’s like dating a hot girl. What’s the point if all she does is talk about celebrities and shopping?

 If Ken Krekeler finds a decent writer to work with then I’ll check him out again. But if all he’s doing is a slightly different take on an idea that's been done to death a million times before, how can I get enthusiastic about that? The answer is, I can’t. I’m sad now. Rating 4/10

Graphic Novel Review: Andre The Giant Life and Legend- A plane ride to nowhere

Writer and artist: Box Brown
Publisher: First Second
Released: June 4th 2014

There was an emotional and developmental sense of stasis, of inertia that made reading this fine, subtle book about the life of Andre the Giant a melancholic experience for this reader. Perhaps it’s just the nature of the perpetually adolescent pro wrestling industry itself, but my lasting impression is of the book’s final panel, of hedonism, emptiness and of wasting time by playing cards on an endless plane ride to nowhere. I didn’t get a real sense of who Andre Roussimoff really was, but perhaps that’s the real sadness behind the persona, that there was nothing there, just a massive, empty façade, and when the show was over there was nothing. Just endless drinking and embarrassing moments of rudeness caused by the alcohol consumption.

The man was not a hero, but he was not a villain either. He was just a man who grew too big, made some money out of it, and died at an early age (46 years-old) without doing all of the things in life that men are supposed to do. He had a child, but she interfered with his career, so he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t married and his friendships were based on him being a celebrity. There was a sad, shallow emptiness about everything he did. He had a ranch where he stayed when he wasn’t playing cards on an aeroplane. He wrestled, and he drank. The book shoots by so fast, with panels that have a childish sense of fun about them. Panels that have a cartoon simplicity, a lack of complexity that is perfect to depict a life far less interesting than you might think, the life of a pro wrestler. His life was not fun. It looked boring. I wouldn’t want that life. He travelled, but he was too big, and he was in constant pain, and when he finished travelling he died, alone on his ranch, in pain.

He was not a victim. He lived his life on his own terms. Selfish, empty and looking to capitalise financially and socially out of his size. He didn’t do it to feed his family. He did it to feed himself. It’s a story of a hollow life. Of a life only half lived, and it’s a lesson to men of all size. Life is not about appearance. Life is not about travelling. Life is not about hedonism. Life is about stages of development. If all you do is stay at one stage, never progressing and experiencing the other stages of life, what’s the point? Pro wrestling is the perfect metaphor for stunted emotional development. It is childish fun, but eventually you have to leave it behind, not just as a fan, but as this book demonstrates, as a performer as well. Rating: 9/10

Blast Review: Star Wars #18: Don’t upset the girls

Writer: Brian Wood
Artist: Stephane Crety
Publisher: Dark Horse
Released: 11th June 2014

I had to laugh after reading Star Wars #18, as writer Brian Wood performed miraculous back-flips, somersaults and a dazzling display of narrative contortionism to explain away why two female leaders of the rebel alliance had made such a massive mess of things over the past six-months of his story arc. He also had to explain why one of the most menacing and scary villains in cinematic history (Darth Vader) couldn’t pull off what amounted to shooting rebel fish in a barrel.

Princess Leia and Mon Mothma, the two great feminist leaders of the rebel alliance have just spent the past few month’s of this story-arc leading their troops into the most obvious trap since those Greeks and their silly wooden horse. Their combined incompetence has now left everybody in the Rebel alliance open to easy annihilation by any half competent villain worthy of the name.  Don’t shout at me about this. I didn’t write the stupid story. That was Brian Wood’s fault.

What Wood had to do in this issue was 1- Make the two female leaders look strong, even though the story arc has just shown their incompetence. Remember this is a politically correct, feminist liberal book, so all female leaders must be portrayed in a good light. 2- Somehow make the villains fail to shoot the rebels in a barrel, even though if you are following the story they would have to be the most incompetent villains in history to not easily kill every single one of them, including Han Solo and Luke Skywalker.

How does Wood achieve this goal? Firstly, he makes Mon Mothma look like a tough and courageous fighter by having her kill some low level villains, and then he reveals that she has prepared a secret weapon that will ensure that the rebels sitting in a barrel won’t get killed after all. And what about Darth Vader you might ask. Won’t his failure here make him look completely incompetent, thus diminishing him as the serious threat that he’s supposed to be? Easily fixed by the acrobatic Wood who simply removes him from the final scene so some faceless uniform can take the blame for the unbelievable incompetence. It’s genius.

The book then ends with Princess Leia kind of taking some of the blame, but not really because there are no consequences, and lets forget this all happened. You have to take your hat off to Brian Wood. His feminist liberal credentials are intact, two incompetent female leaders are portrayed as heroes, and Darth Vader doesn’t have to look weak either. Nice one, ha ha, what a laugh. Rating: 6/10