NJPW (2017): HOTTEST PRO-WRESTLING PROMOTION IN THE WORLD TODAY

My break from writing continues, with this, a review of the only wrestling company that I still watch today, New Japan Pro Wrestling (NJPW) and the latest match in their New Japan Cup 2017 tournament.

A couple of things to explain first, before I jump into the one match that I’ll be looking at. Firstly, my break from writing is a break from producing original stories, and the break ends in about one week’s time. I’ve just spent three months writing, ‘Red Pill tales from the Alt-Right: Volume Two’ and after releasing it (on Amazon Kindle and paperback) I’m taking a breather, looking at a couple of things, reading a couple of things, and letting my mind recharge it’s creative juices. The reviews that pop up on this blog over the next five days are the equivalent of me doing my daily exercises before getting back onto the racetrack again. Writing is hard work, harder than Jack Kerouac made it out to be, for sure, and you have to keep on writing, even when you are ‘taking a break.’

I have always been a huge pro wrestling fan. It began for me with the NWA (Magnum TA and the Rock n Roll Express were my favourites). I hated the Hulkamania years, loved the ECW thing, was bemused by the Attitude Era, and here I am in 2017 looking around to see what is left. WCW imploded, TNA sucks, ROH is mostly blokes in trunks who are not very good, and the modern day WWE is very corporate, very disingenuous (tours Saudi Arabia, promotes feminism) and insists on trying to manipulate it’s audience rather than giving them what they actually want. So, what does a wrestling fan do? Simple, he goes to Japan, where there’s usually something interesting going on (I loved the Misawa/Kobashi years) crosses his fingers, and hopes for the best.

That’s what I did, and man, was I ever rewarded. In the good old days I used to get my puroresu (Japanese pro-wrestling) from tape-traders, but some clever chap invented this Internet thing, and now I get a quicker fix on live Internet streaming. I can watch NJPW when it happens, immediately, in HD, with occasional English commentary (that was never a thing in the past) and it costs less than a tenner a month (about £8.50). Man, technology might be spying on us all, and looking at us in our pants, but it has its pluses as well.

NJPW is on fire at the moment by the way. They have some awesome talent, and still do the ‘strong-style’ thing that they always did in the past, with main-events that go long, are hard hitting, super-heated and super awesome. The match that I will be reviewing here is not one of those matches. If you want to see one of those matches go onto New Japan World, pay your eight quid, and watch the Kenny Omega versus Kazuchika Okada match from Wrestle Kingdom 11 at the Tokyo Dome, and you’ll see what I mean. Dave Meltzer gave that match six stars out of five, and after you watch it, you’ll have to agree with him. I’d give the match six stars as well, it was bloody awesome, easy six stars, and six stars wasn’t even a thing before.

Shibata versus Juice

The match that I’ll ‘review’ here is a small show match, a match where I pretty much knew who was going to win before it began. It’s a match in the ‘New Japan Cup’ an elimination style tournament, where the winner gets to challenge for the belt of his choosing. This match was released on 16th March 2017 on New Japan World, as a 15-minute video, and it looks like it is being held in a small school gymnasium. There were two big shows last weekend, and there will be another two big shows this weekend as well, so this match, although part of the tournament, is a gift to people like myself who go onto New Japan World daily, just to see if there are any new videos. Call it an appetiser, because that’s pretty much what it is.

So, what was the appetiser like? Let’s get into it. The match is between Juice Robinson (young, up and comer, ex-WWE, Gaijin/American trying to impress, doing pretty well recently) and Katsuyori Shibata (super-stiff, super-serious, makes everything look legit, in his prime, bad ass). The match starts off with old-school English/World-of-Sport mat based wrestling, feeling each other out, escaping from holds, before Shibata throws a couple of stiff kicks, things start to get heated, and here we go. Juice gets hot, tries to counter stiff with stiffer, and here come the face boots, slaps, suplexes coming back from Shibata. It’s a fight now, the crowd get louder as the wrestlers get hotter, stiffer. Juice is shouting/swearing, this is it, the Japanese strong style, tough guy wrestling that I LOVE.

What I love, what I’ve always loved about Japanese wrestling, is that the story of each match, at it’s core, is about who has the most ‘fighting-spirit.’ That means, who is the toughest? Who has the most heart? Who is the bravest? Can you keep on going, keep taking punishment, keep falling, keep getting back up, keep going until there is absolutely nothing left, yet somehow dig even deeper than you thought was possible and find that one single last drop of energy, use it up, survive, thrive, fight, roar and WIN?

Fighting-spirit.

I’m a runner, and that physical and mental sensation that you experience when you have nothing left, but have to keep on going, to fight through it, to conquer the miserable will to give-in and surrender, that is something that I can massively identify with. Okay, in life as well, which is pretty much the same thing, but running is more immediate, physical, whereas life just grounds you into the dirt with disappointment after disappointment, trying to get you to quit, but not really giving a sh** about you anyway. Running tells you that life sucks in a physical and mental way, and in running you can get through it, keep going, and win.

Japanese wrestling then, like running, gives you the chance to savour that sweet moment of victory that is probably not going to come with the crushing inevitability of real life, plus you don’t have to get all sweaty doing it. You get to live through the wrestlers, connect with the struggles on an emotional level, and will your favourites to keep on going, don’t give up, you can do it, you can win. When I watch a typical WWE match-up I don’t get that, and so I don’t care and don’t want to watch. NJPW is different. I get the struggle, the will to survive, and so they get my money.

Back to the match, Juice is hitting fire with fire, a somersault stunner from the top rope, a gut buster, a back-senton, screaming, passionate, he’s taking it to the Japanese bad ass. He goes for his finisher, but it’s countered with a knee in the back, Shibata stretches him with an octopus type hold, goes for the submission. Don’t tap Juice, use your fighting-spirit, dig deep gaijin. Juice hangs in, gets the ropes, then BAM, dropped on his head with a massive suplex. BUT…..Juice no-sells with a massive shout of ‘F*** YOU’ gets straight into Shibata’s face. Here it is. This is why I love Japanese wrestling. Fighting-spirit baby, pure heart, courage, determination, never give up, fighting-spirit.

Punches, Shibata gets Juice in a sleeper, he drops to his knees, is Juice done? It appears so, he slumps, and Shibata hits his ‘penalty kick’ finisher. 1-2-3 and the pin goes to the Japanese warrior who moves on in the tournament, leaving a battered Juice, but a Juice who can be happy that he gave his all to the very end.

Shibata will face the winner of the Sanada (young athletic heel with big hair) and Ishii (bulldog badass) match-up that takes place on Friday, 17th March. That semi-final match will take place on the final four New Japan Cup show this Sunday 19th March. I expect Ishii to win his match against Sanada on Friday, and a Shibata versus Ishii match this Sunday will be off the wall amazing, two kick-ass warriors who should blow the roof off of the building.

The other semi-final is Bad Luck Fale (lumbering monster) versus Evil (the evil Undertaker of NJPW), and should see a win for big Evil, so that means a final of either Ishii or Shibata versus Evil. People are talking about the New Japan Cup 2017 being used to create new stars, so could we be looking at an Evil win? Could we even have an upset with Sanada winning his match against Ishii, beating Shibata, and then having two young villains (who are both in the ‘Los Ingobernables de Japon’ faction) in the final with Evil versus Sanada? I don’t know, but it’s interesting, very interesting indeed. The leader of ‘Los Ingobernables de Japon’ is Tetsuya Naito, the IWGP Intercontinental Champion, so if one of his faction members (Evil or Sanada) wins the cup, and the championship match of their choosing, will they end up challenging their own leader?

Remember that this match (Shibata versus Juice) was just an appetiser, and as such, it was perfect, teasing my palette, and leaving me hungry for what is to come next. The match wasn’t supposed to be epic, the result was never really in doubt, and it wasn’t supposed to be four star plus. For what it was (** 3/4 star) it did an excellent job, made Shibata look like the solid star that he is, and Juice look like a youngster with plenty of fighting-spirit, and thus potential for the future.

If you, like me, grew up with pro-wrestling, love wrestling, don’t want to give up on wrestling, but look at the boring lukewarm state of the western product, and don’t know where to go, NJPW will be perfect for you. I click on NJPWWORLD on a daily basis, just to see what is coming up next. I’ve been a subscriber for a couple of months, and my love for pro-wrestling has been completely revitalised. I’m just getting fully immersed within the NJPW world now, getting to know the characters, the factions, the histories, and everything else that is so wonderful about the promotion. I love it, and that is why I have just written this review.

Thank you NJPW, you are awesome. You deserve all of the success that you are currently receiving, and the future success that will come your way as more and more jaded westerners (like myself) take a chance on your product, and re-discover what made them fall in love with pro wrestling in the first place.

The New Japan Cup 2017 finals are on Monday 20th March 2017 and can be seen (with English commentary) on njpwworld.com live, or on delay. Semi-final night is on Sunday 19th March, plus we have the Sanada versus Ishii match on Friday 17th to look forward to as well.

As I finish off this article I’ll give you my final prediction for the winner of the New Japan Cup 2017 tournament. I’m going with EVIL. Why am I going with EVIL? Because, and here’s a reference that you’ll only get once you start watching NJPW, because EVERYTHING IS EVIL, that’s why. Click on the link below this review, and sign-up for njpwworld.com NOW. If you love, or have ever loved pro wrestling in the past, you won’t regret it.


Sign up for NJPW here: 
http://njpwworld.com/  


English site for NJPW: 
https://www.njpw1972.com/


Awesome NJPW related podcast:
http://newjapanpurocast.com/

Monday Night Raw 11th May 2015: WWE television programming and why it sucks

What I am about to say about WWE television programming has undoubtedly been said many times before, but after watching Monday Night Raw on 11th May 2015 I feel like it needs to be said again, as the message is evidentially not getting through.

On WWE’s two main flagship television shows (Raw and Smackdown) the wrestlers are portrayed not as tough independent fighters, but as employees of the McMahon family. Their role is to entertain, and the winning or losing of their matches is secondary. If they entertain the fans then they are kept on as employees, but if they fail to entertain then they are fired.

The employees

The WWE makes it very clear that their employees/wrestlers are expendable and lucky to have a job. If they fail to entertain the fans they will be fired, and if they fail to do exactly what the McMahon family tells them to do they will also be fired. Here is the message that is constantly reinforced on their television programming:

Our employees/wrestlers are utterly worthless and would be unable to make a living if they were fired from their jobs here at WWE. 

This attitude is very depressing, very insulting and very dehumanising. It makes the wrestlers look like fools. The WWE (McMahon family) sees people as commodities. If you make money for the McMahon family then you are valuable and respected, if you don’t then you are worthless. It’s all about the McMahon family you see, and this message is the one constant of the show.

All of this is played out on weekly television, by a cast of overly muscled young men who were not quite athletic enough to make it in legitimate sports, where the pay, health benefits, holidays and everything else are 100% better than what you get as a WWE ‘superstar.’

Emasculation time

WWE performers have no health benefits, no job security, no holidays, and no pensions. They are not even employees. The WWE uses the Orwellian legalise term, ‘Independent contractors’ in order to really screw them over. This term allows WWE to treat them not as employees (who need insurance and rights, and all of those other pesky things) but as expendable lumps of meat. You work until your body is broken, and if you don’t like the conditions, tough. There’s no unions, no representatives, no way for you to complain, no way for you to improve your working conditions. Oil up, and work, or oil down and get out, that’s the WWE way.

And what about the pretty young females who appear on their television shows? If you are a young bikini model prepared to do everything that you are told to do, then you might be lucky enough to have a short career with the corporation. Your role will be to wiggle your butt and to do some reality television ‘acting.’ No athletic ability will be needed.  As you get into your 30’s though you’ll need to look for another job. You might be one of the lucky few and get to date George Clooney or do some straight to DVD movies, but for the vast majority the long-term prospects are about as bright as the ex male employees of the WWE ‘family.’

I’m talking addiction, unemployment, jail, homelessness and death. I could do an entire article about the people who worked for the WWE and ended up prematurely dead, but we all know about those all too common tales, don’t we?

The Corporate champion

That’s how disgusting the WWE actually is. Nothing is hidden, everything is out there, it’s on display, and yet, who cares? It’s just pro wrestling, right? It doesn’t matter because it’s fake. Okay, so it’s fake, but the people on the show are not fake. They are real human beings that are being horrendously exploited by a corporate vulture, yet nobody cares.

Here is a television show, aimed at children, that is full to the brim with horrifically anti-human corporate poisons, and still nobody cares.

Look at what the show is saying to children. It’s telling them that they have to be shallow, ruthless, manipulative, greedy, selfish, vain and violent to get what they want in life, and that they can get away with this disgusting behaviour just as long as they work within a corporate structure.

The hero of the show is John Cena, a man who epitomises this corporate attitude of selfishness and oozes it from every pore of his cartoonishly bloated body. 'Hustle, loyalty and respect' is his catch phrase, but hustle, loyalty and respect to what?

To the corporation of course, everything is for the corporation. Be loyal to the corporation and you will become a bloated star who gets to salute the troops and send them off to the latest war. Humanity be damned, we have money to make.

The message is clear: Be ruthless, be evil, be greedy, be selfish, be vain, but do it all within the safety of a corporate structure. All is allowable here, just as long as you are loyal to the corporation. Corporations are people, but people without need of a conscience. There is no morality here. Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

If you think that I’m being a bit harsh here just watch the first ten minutes of this week’s Monday Night Raw. Watch how McMahon family leader HHH emasculates his employees, referring to himself as the ‘Daddy’ as he disciplines his unruly children. These unruly children are grown men in their thirties and older by the way. Watch how he mocks two wrestlers for being shorter than himself, belittles a seven foot supposed monster, and talks down to the champion of the organisation like he’s a naughty little boy.

This isn’t about wrestling. It’s not even about entertainment. This is about the worshipping of corporate authority, of bowing to the awesome power of the McMahon family. The wrestling isn’t even important anymore, this is nothing more than one giant vanity project, and I don’t know how much longer it can continue if this is all it has to offer.

I used to enjoy pro wrestling, but how can I enjoy the WWE in 2015 when all of the wrestlers are portrayed as sad sack losers who are lucky to have a job?

I used to idolise wrestlers. They used to be real-life superheroes, substitute Gods for our atheist age, but not anymore. Today when I watch WWE television programming all I see is failed athletes who if not for the generosity of the McMahon family would be working at minimum wage neo-liberal McJobs. I look at the wrestlers on my television set and I don’t admire them. I feel sorry for them.

Loyalty, but only to the corporate brand

I don’t want to feel sorry for the wrestlers. I used to like wrestling, and I want to like it again. I don’t want to hear about drug overdoses, heart attacks, suicides and deaths, and I don’t want to see them being emasculated on my television set before their corporate overlords.

I want wrestlers to get unionised, to start standing up for themselves, to demand change in their working environment. They need to be the heroes that they are supposed to be. They need to stand up to the McMahon family. They need to get organised. They need to take a risk, to do something that needs to be done. They need to be strong and brave, not just in body, but in mind and deed as well.

I remember watching wrestling when I was a kid and the wrestlers were heroes, not employees. What kid watching WWE programming today wants to see a show where all of the wrestlers are portrayed as loser employees? It makes no sense to me, and as WWE continue to lose viewers and ratings go down the toilet somebody out there has to point out these flaws to them.

The McMahon family's real life adoration of morality free neo-liberal corporatism is bleeding through to their television programming and what is being produced is a near unwatchable show that is dripping with satanic corporate anti-human ideology.

They need to make the show about the wrestlers competing against each other to see who is the best. They need to start telling us that their wrestlers are the best athletes in the world, and that they can do things that other professional athletes cannot do. They need to make us believe that this is unique competition between the toughest men in the world, because that is what pro-wrestling is supposed to be.

What the WWE is doing at the moment is putting a group of emasculated losers on our television sets, telling us over and over again that they are interchangeable and lucky to have a job. It’s not working, and they need to change things whilst they still have the chance.

Lucha Underground: Short review + links to Episodes One & Two

No spoilers here, just a quick summary/review with links to both episodes.

Lucha Underground is a pro wrestling show that is shot like a television drama.  It has historical context, a television style plot, characters that you can relate to and an easy to hate villain. The in-ring action is tied into the overreaching narrative of the show and the overall feel is of a television show with some wrestling in it, rather than a pro-wrestling show with some bad television in it, and yes I am referring to WWE programming here.

The show looks great, is professionally produced, very tight and shot like a Mexican version of Fight Club. It doesn’t look like a wrestling show. Instead it looks like a crime drama television show. It’s 43 minutes long, and who wins and loses the wrestling matches actually matters to the plot of the show.

This is not three long hours of WWE filler matches. It’s tight, interesting and narrative based. There are old stars, and new, and the wrestler being pushed as the most important part of the show (Prince Puma) is young, athletic and exciting to watch.

If you enjoy pro wrestling, but are fed up with long WWE shows that increasingly feel like a chore to sit through, then you’ll want to watch Lucha Underground. It’s short, interesting, produced like a quality television programme and easily the most exciting new wrestling show that I’ve seen in a very long time. Review over, click the links below, and enjoy.

Episode One:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/kSwGNMsxsJfXX39cJy4?start=41

Episode Two:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x29fcv6_lucha-underground-s01e02-2014-nov-05-hdtvx264_shortfilms

Facebook page: 
https://www.facebook.com/LuchaUnderground/timeline

Wrestling fanzine review: The Atomic Elbow #11- Nostalgia, the iron claw of death

Get a copy here:
http://theatomicelbow.blogspot.co.uk/

Click here for a very funny pro wrestling nostalgia podcast:
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/old-school-wrestling-podcast/id334529079?mt=2

Click here for my favourite song about the death that is nostalgia:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMMkXvzTvYA



When the entertainment of your youth enters the realms of commercial nostalgia you know it’s day in the sun has passed. It has become little more than a replay, a spectral apparition for the comfortably numb.

Nostalgia is a box set for the suburb dwelling masses. The silently complicit who pay their taxes for war and slavery whilst not getting involved in the world around them, a world they support through their quiet, apathetic resignation and comfortable, selfish cowardice.

Nostalgia digs up a corpse for this moribund sofa dwelling generation. Look at how it moves when we shake its fleshless limbs. Look at how it smiles when we stretch its toothless jaws. Buy the special edition programme, the T-shirt, the autographed photograph of the dead star. Is that what pro wrestling has now become?

Perhaps there is a new generation of young fans who are going to revive the corpse, but at the moment it appears (at least to my eyes and ears) that those still paying attention to modern pro-wrestling are only doing so for their own personal, nostalgic reasons and because it gives them a creative outlet, with an in-built (and sadly declining) audience they wouldn’t have if they were blogging/podcasting on other, more serious, relevant and contemporary subject matters.

‘The Atomic Elbow’ is one of those creative outlets. A fanzine in the style of the much loved old fanzines that I myself used to subscribe to many decades ago. Full of spelling errors and stream of consciousness thoughts about pro-wrestling put together in an A3 black and white, folded and stapled down the middle, made in the bedroom and local library style. That’s exactly what The Atomic Elbow is. A nostalgic blast back into my past, with the big difference being that the people writing in the fanzine are not, as they were twenty odd years ago, talking about what is happening today, they are talking about what happened in the past. A vehicle of nostalgia, in form and content, this fanzine is not bringing the corpse back to life, it’s keeping it dead, driving the stake deeper, making sure the beast does not stir.

To be fair, there are a couple of brief moments of life in AE11. The Undertaker’s streak being broken is mentioned, but the discussion is more about how they are ruining future nostalgic opportunities, rather than what is most exciting for the wrestling product of today. Dolph Zigler is the favourite wrestler of a lapsed, now back into it female fan. She watches the WWE today with her husband. This is not the fanzine writer that I grew up with. A female, and married? No way, not happening mate. Where are the basement dwelling, anti-social young men? The girl repellent, obsessive compulsive King geeks who wear ECW T-shirts and write reams and reams of over the top prose about the latest five star matches from Japan? Where have they all gone? Suicide, homelessness, career or marriage? I miss those guys. I miss the early days of ECW, the fanzines, the independent shows, the laughing at Adam Bomb and King Mabel, the times before the death that is nostalgia kicked in.

That’s not to say that AE11 is a complete waste of time, because it isn’t. There is enjoyment to be had, but it’s death enjoyment, nostalgia sprinkled with sadness at recognition that most of the wrestlers you are reading about didn’t have a happy ending. The best article is about World Class Championship wrestling, and the Von Erich family. Need I say more? But still, I enjoyed the article. It’s written in a carefree, funny style that, again, reminds me of the old fanzines, plus it gave me some new information on a wrestling event that featured the Ultimate Warrior before he nailed down his gimmick. How did his story end? We know, and it’s sad. That’s nostalgia for you. You cannot live in the past, and if you try it will end up killing you.

So was this just a sad affair then? Another case of going back to the past because the present offers nothing, but when you go back all you find is dead memories and dead people?  It kind of was. The sadness is not in the nostalgia itself, but in the fact that life still goes on, and if you don’t find something new to cling onto, the past becomes a skeletal claw from the grave, tempting you closer, closer, until it grabs, and pulls you into the abyss.

Rating: Look, but don’t linger. 

A critical dissection of the underlying themes and ideological assumptions in the opening segment of WWE Monday Night Raw (Monday 14th July 2014)

- The following article will attempt to critically analyse and evaluate the content of the most watched pro-wrestling television programme in 2014. It will look at the story lines, characters and underlying societal assumptions that are made within the programming. I am a long time pro wrestling fan, but this article will not be a typical pro wrestling article. There will be no match ratings, and no complaints about my favourite performers not being pushed. The article will look at portrayals of fake rebellion within the corporate slave plantation known as western capitalist democracy.

The show begins with the usual in ring talking segment. This time it’s the two biggest fan favourites in the company. John Cena- the old fan favourite who is nearing the time where he need to be replaced, and his replacement, Roman Reigns. Cena is a fake face of rebellion, in that he goes against the main villain group, a group called ‘The Authority’ who represent the companies owners, but on a closer analysis of why the authority group would dislike Cena there is very little reason for them to do so. After all, he is still very popular with women and children. Because of this he makes the company a lot of money. He never says anything ‘politically incorrect,’ he never criticises the company, he is clean living and never appears in the media doing something wrong, and he’s a loyal employee who always turns up for work, even when he’s badly injured. In other words, he’s the perfect corporate employee. He tells children to support the troops, to do what you are told, support cancer charities, never question anything and be loyal to your corporate employer. In WWE story line however they represent him as a ‘rebel’ to the authority figures. This is not at all believable, and thus John Cena is the perfect embodiment of fake rebellion within the corporate system. He’s safe, and he is easily controlled because he wants to be controlled. He even begins his talking segment by telling the fans to order the WWE network, an Internet only product that the WWE is hoping will be the future of their business. In every way possible John Cena is the perfect corporate yes man, and there is no reason whatsoever for the story-line villains to be against him and what he is doing. After all, he is perfect for them, and only wants to make them as much money as possible.

Roman Reigns

The young replacement for John Cena is a handsome, tattooed, long haired muscular man who has been given the name of Roman Reigns. Quite an appropriate name really for a man who lives in a country largely modelled on the old Roman Empire. Roman Reigns began his run with the company as a bad guy, beating up good guy wrestlers with a group of black clad thugs. The reasons for them doing so were revealed as being disingenuous and the group later aligned themselves with the corporate authority figures where once again they assaulted wrestlers, but this time because the authority figures ordered them to do so. That group of order following thugs became very popular with the fans, and so became fan favourites. This says a lot about the fans, that they would identify with order following thugs, simply because they looked ‘cool’ in black uniforms (like swat team members of the Police force) and further cements the impression that WWE fans are corporate statist slaves who love their own enslavement. Roman Reigns has very little individuality, personality, or character, but that doesn’t appear to matter to the fans. He looks cool, and he beats people up. That’s all the WWE fans appear to care about.

The opening segment is a popularity contest with the new young lion challenging the old lion. Who wins depends upon the reaction of the paying customers. In this segment the younger lion wins, probably because he’s fresh, and because of his good looks. This will inevitably lead to the old lion turning villain, as that is where the money is in pro wrestling. This will be built up over several months where it will be paid off in a big stadium, for as much money as is possible. The segment also includes a third man, a man called Dean Ambrose who is portrayed as slightly crazed and anti authority. This man also used to be a black clad order follower who worked for the authority figures, but who now wants to strike out on his own. Ambrose is then attacked by wrestlers working for the authority figures, and is beaten down in much the same way as he beat down people before him. This however will not be mentioned by the commentators. Ambrose is a good guy now, and his past order following actions are not to be mentioned, as are the past order following actions of Roman Reigns.

Dean Ambrose

The overall impression created from this opening segment is of two factions within the company. The first faction is the order following goons. They do what they are told, and they do not question. The second faction is of individuals who are individually fighting for power, but need to get together and work as a team to fight against the order following goons. This is a good message, telling the audience that authority figures divide and conquer their enemies, and that the best way to defeat them is to put aside your difference and team up with like minded individualistic people to fight them and their order following goons. The only problem with the WWE storyline however is that the individualistic heroes are only really fighting for themselves, not for any greater good or long-term change. Simply put, all they want is power, wealth and status. Not for any greater cause, but for themselves. They dislike the authority figures, but only because they themselves want to be the authority figures and enjoy the wealth and status that comes with that position. John Cena has been a long time corporate yes man, and both Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose are corporate thugs who have put down their uniforms for selfish, careerist reasons. They represent nothing but their own self-interests.

The 'Authority.' A group that represents the owners of the WWE. 

Conclusions: 

The WWE is sending out mixed messages here. It is telling it’s audience that blindly following orders is a bad thing, yet its top heroes are all men who blindly follow corporate orders. All three main heroes blindly follow corporate orders in their real lives, as not doing so would disqualify them from the positions they now hold in the WWE. To illustrate the point, just imagine what would happen to one of these wrestlers if he went onto twitter and criticised what Israel is doing to the civilians in Gaza right now? He would be suspended, forced to apologise and his career would be irreparably damaged. They know this, and that is why they will never do or say anything that is politically incorrect or controversial. They are on the corporate plantation, and that is where they are happy to stay. However, on television they are the faces of rebellion, telling fans that fighting for what is right is the way to live your life, even when in their own real lives they are fighting only for themselves and their self-interests. They are fake fighting on television so they can buy a bigger house, buy a bigger car, date a hotter girl and take care of their immediate families. Even on television their motivations are see-through. They all fight for power within the corporate system, but they do not challenge the system itself. They are house slaves, fighting for promotion within a system that they will not challenge. That is how WWE portrays both its authority figures and its wrestlers. The authority figures known as ‘The Authority’ constantly mention, over and over again, that they can fire any of the wrestlers at any time, and for any reason. If you don’t blindly follow their orders then you’ll lose your job. This story-line has been portrayed many times recently, with wrestlers sadly assaulting other wrestlers simply because they fear for their jobs. The only possible conclusion to be made by the audience is that everything that is being portrayed here is fake drama, pre-approved by the corporation/authority, for the slaves on the corporate slave plantation. The wrestlers are simply lucky slaves, picked off the plantation, much like in the Hunger Games movies. They get to fight each other for promotion, but they do not get to challenge the circus ringmaster who is setting them to fight against each other. What you are getting on WWE television programming is the perfect embodiment of false rebellion and resistance within the corporate paradigm. It’s a boxing match, with the only winner being the promoter. It is the blue party versus the red party, with the only winner being the corporate elite’s that own both parties. They say that pro-wrestling is fake, but there’s more fakery involved than the pretend fighting. The fakery also exists within the story-telling and ideological programming of the product itself. It’s the same fakery that exists in the mainstream media, financial system, politics and all other areas of fake fighting allowed upon the corporate slave plantation. A system where you can say and do whatever you want, as long as you don’t actually challenge the system itself.

Graphic Novel Review: Andre The Giant Life and Legend- A plane ride to nowhere

Writer and artist: Box Brown
Publisher: First Second
Released: June 4th 2014

There was an emotional and developmental sense of stasis, of inertia that made reading this fine, subtle book about the life of Andre the Giant a melancholic experience for this reader. Perhaps it’s just the nature of the perpetually adolescent pro wrestling industry itself, but my lasting impression is of the book’s final panel, of hedonism, emptiness and of wasting time by playing cards on an endless plane ride to nowhere. I didn’t get a real sense of who Andre Roussimoff really was, but perhaps that’s the real sadness behind the persona, that there was nothing there, just a massive, empty façade, and when the show was over there was nothing. Just endless drinking and embarrassing moments of rudeness caused by the alcohol consumption.

The man was not a hero, but he was not a villain either. He was just a man who grew too big, made some money out of it, and died at an early age (46 years-old) without doing all of the things in life that men are supposed to do. He had a child, but she interfered with his career, so he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t married and his friendships were based on him being a celebrity. There was a sad, shallow emptiness about everything he did. He had a ranch where he stayed when he wasn’t playing cards on an aeroplane. He wrestled, and he drank. The book shoots by so fast, with panels that have a childish sense of fun about them. Panels that have a cartoon simplicity, a lack of complexity that is perfect to depict a life far less interesting than you might think, the life of a pro wrestler. His life was not fun. It looked boring. I wouldn’t want that life. He travelled, but he was too big, and he was in constant pain, and when he finished travelling he died, alone on his ranch, in pain.

He was not a victim. He lived his life on his own terms. Selfish, empty and looking to capitalise financially and socially out of his size. He didn’t do it to feed his family. He did it to feed himself. It’s a story of a hollow life. Of a life only half lived, and it’s a lesson to men of all size. Life is not about appearance. Life is not about travelling. Life is not about hedonism. Life is about stages of development. If all you do is stay at one stage, never progressing and experiencing the other stages of life, what’s the point? Pro wrestling is the perfect metaphor for stunted emotional development. It is childish fun, but eventually you have to leave it behind, not just as a fan, but as this book demonstrates, as a performer as well. Rating: 9/10

Review: WWE Payback 2014- Bluetista Silences the Crowd

I know it’s a bit of an embarrassing thing to watch these days, but as a long time pro wrestling fan I’m not going to completely abandon my childish fandom for the frankly ridiculous pantomime that is pro wrestling, no matter how bad it gets.  In 2014 the WWE is pretty bad. The story lines are lazy, badly structured and make no sense, and the characters are 2D, inconsistent and just badly written. But the matches are still entertaining to watch, and as a PPV is all about the matches I’m still going to get a lot of enjoyment out of watching them. The WWE has an Internet network thing now where you can watch all of their PPV’s for about £10 per month. That’s pretty cheap, and you get all of their old stuff on there as well. At the moment the network is not available in the UK, so until it’s available over here I do what all UK wrestling fans do. I go on the Internet and watch it at a price that I feel comfortable with, cough, cough. Anyway, here’s my review of their latest PPV.

1- Pre-show match: Hornswoggle V El Torito

This was a lot of fun and really helped the fans to ease into the show and stop their silly ‘CM Punk’ chants. Were the fans expecting him to show up because it was being held in Chicago, Punk’s hometown? Probably, and you couldn’t blame them really. This match however got Punk off their minds and allowed them to enjoy some silliness with a bull fighting a midget, loads of cool high spots and a head shaving at the end. Rating: A lot of fun **Half

2- First match: Sheamus V Cesaro

After an opening show video that pushed the leading feud (Shield versus Evolution) Paul Heyman came out to give the crowd the bad news that CM Punk won’t be turning up tonight, before introducing his man, Cesaro. They had to address the CM Punk thing early, but will this stop the chants throughout the evening? Well see. As for the actual match, it was the perfect opener. Although it wasn’t exactly Japanese strong style, this was about as physical as you’ll get in the WWE. There were load of counters and near falls that built it nicely and the end when it came was a bait and switch where the crowd was one moment on it’s feet cheering for the giant swing, and then surprised when Sheamus performed a quick roll-up for the 123. A great start and the CM Punk chants have already dried up. Rating: ***half.

3- Dust Brothers V Rybaxyl

I’ve made up the Dust brother’s name, as it’s far better than the Rhodes brothers, don’t you think? Anyway, we’ve been waiting for the dust brothers to argue and split for a long, long time now, so will it happen here? We’ll see. The match starts slowly, with the only notable thing happening being the crowd chanting ‘Gold-berg’ at Ryback. I can’t believe they’re still doing that. The characters are completely different now, and it doesn’t make any sense now that Ryback is a heel who keeps losing. Seriously, that chant is stupid. It appears the CM Punk chant has completely gone now though, and that’s all down to Heyman in the last match, so well done to that man. The match continues, and ends up pretty formulaic with the Dust brothers losing clean, after Cody does the job. Then Cody gets the mic and states (to Goldust) ‘Brother to brother, you need a better tag-team partner than me.’ I was pretty shocked by this, and interested. I’ll be watching Raw with keen interest to see where it goes next. I really thought that Goldust was going to turn heel on his brother, but this is far more interesting. Rating: **


4- Rusev V Big E

You have to laugh at Rusev waving his flag as his sexy Russian manager mocks the crowds by going on and on about Vladimir Putin. This is old school xenophobia heat generating stuff, and even though it’s played largely with a wink these days, it’s still pretty effective in the world of pro wrestling. The match starts with some big man stuff, the crowd starts to get impatient, but then it’s rescued when Big E spears Rusev through the middle rope to the floor. Impressive stuff, from both guys. Rusev had to work on his intensity, and he does a lot better job in this match, getting all angry and intense as his sexy manager shouts, ‘Rusev, crush,’ before applying the match ending camel clutch. Short match, one good spot, not bad. Rating: **

5- Kofi Kingston V Bo Dallas

Before the next match we got a brief backstage shot of Daniel Bryan talking to his wife. Do WWE realise that his Bella twin wife is extremely unlikeable, and that by showing Bryan with her it diminishes him in the eyes of fans? He’s supposed to be the companies top babyface, so why keep showing him with a woman who comes across as shallow, self centred, stupid and vain? I know they are married in real life, but why bring it up? They can’t go back in time, but they really need to stop associating him with her before any more damage is done to Bryan’s babyface aura.
The Kofi/Bo match didn’t actually happen, and turned into the sort of angle you normally see on Raw, with Kane coming out, destroying Kofi, and Bo getting some heel heat out of it. The good news though was that the Bo Dallas character of being deeply insincere, and probably even falling for his own lies, is actually working and appears to be getting over with the crowd who ended the segment chanting, ‘We Bo-believe.’ Good stuff. I love it when new guys get over, and the Bo Dallas character is something new and different and I’m really enjoying it at the moment.


5- Rob Van Fat V Bad News Barrett

I’m getting really depressed watching Van Dam these days. I used to be a big fan of his in the days of extreme, but these days he’s just a shadow of what he once was. Fat, going through the motions (slowly) and looking like yesterday’s news. It’s about time Van Dam did something else and leave us with memories of him in his prime. I wasn’t expecting anything out of this match other than clumsiness and bodges from Rob, and all I could hope for really was that Barrett would leave it intact, and injury free from the careless, out of control, out of shape and out of time Van Flab. The commentary really started to drag in this match, with King and JBL going through their tired, old ‘Educated feet,’ shtick. It was going to take something special from Barrett to make this interesting, as old Rob just isn’t up to it anymore. Barrett unfortunately couldn’t save it. This was the first match that really bored me. Barrett won, Van Dam needs to retire. Rating: half star

6- Stephanie McMahon power-tripping segment on Daniel (smile at everything) Bryan

Oh God, the bloody horrible Bela wife is in this segment, making herself the most unlikeable women in a ring that also includes Stephanie McMahon, not good. Steph talks and the crowd ‘What,’ it up. Here we go, Bryan on the mic, and he’s got that stupid grin on his face again. Is he giving up his title or waiting in line for an ice cream? It’s difficult to tell really. This segment is so bad that the ‘CM Punk’ chants are back. I know, use a curse word, that will get them back. I hated this stupid segment. Steph is cartoon evil, but Bryan is pretty useless on the mic, and his facials are the worst. He looks happy to be there, all of the time, even when horrible things are happening to him. A lot of people like Bryan, but his inappropriately smiley facials are the worst in wrestling since the blank stares of David Flair. At least this segment concluded as it should have done, with the wife quitting, and slapping the boss and essentially sacrificing herself for her smiley husband. Hopefully that’s the last we’ll see of her.


7- John Cena V Bray Wyatt

Wyatt is one of those WWE villains who says a lot, but doesn’t actually say anything at all. You think he might, but then he doesn’t. He’s all appearance and posturing over substance, and when you break it down all he really wants is to beat John Cena. He’s a bad guy who gets cheered because he’s not bland. That’s all he is. Oh, and he’s a bit southern, and has a beard, so that’s enough for the WWE writers to portray him as a villain. Yeah, stupid, simplistic and anachronistically plugged into the mainstream media matrix, but that’s WWE for you. I don’t hate Cena, I just find him to be a corporate clone who represents nothing but conformity and compliance to the mainstream status quo. That’s not admirable to me, but I don’t hate him. He’s too stupid to hate, and his kind of ignorance and enslavement to a lifetime of materialism and following corporate orders is something to be pitied more than anything else. This was a last man standing match, and I wasn’t really looking forward to it, but I was at least a smidgen curious as to whether or nor Wyatt would go over, so I sat down and tried to endure the usual Cena routine. The crowd didn’t sound as Internet smarky as usual, and that was quite nice to hear. I get really fed up with the crowd trying to hijack matches these days, and this match was more like the old days when the crowds obey WWE storylines and cheer and boo for the people they are '‘programmed'’ to by their televisions. If all of your fans are Internet smarks then business is not doing very well at all, but when you have families and children who believe in the stories you know you are making money. I might not like it personally, but it’s not about what I like, and that’s why John Cena exists. The match started off slow and formulaic, but the crowd was into it from the beginning. There was loads of interference that got rid of the Wyatt family members and Uso’s and then the match turned into a pretty decent one on one brawl, with tables, chairs and ring steps. It eventually ended with lots of shenanigans, a huge table spot with Harper and one of the Uso’s, and then back to Cena and Wyatt who concluded a wild brawl with Wyatt taking a dive through a speaker and being trapped under it for the loss. So, another win for Cena and back to the mid-card for Bray Wyatt. Good match, but a lot of people will be upset that Cena won. Rating: ****


8- Alicia Fox V Paige

This was the buffer match before the main event. The match they put in to give the crowd a chance to chill out, take a piss break and get a snack of diet aspartame and GMO hotdogs, oh and buy a T-shirt of course. It’s not supposed to be any good, so I won’t be too harsh on it. Paige took a hard bump to the ring-mats, but the fans (and commentators) didn’t care. Fox is doing a cry baby gimmick, so that was fun. The commentators were messing around with each other again, much like the pre-show match, so perhaps they were taking a break during this match as well? As the match progressed the crowd went very quiet and I lost all interest in it. Is it over yet? Are they all back from the bog? Yep, end it then. And so it ended with Paige winning and screaming like Daffney in WCW/TNA. Rating: *

9- Evolution V The Shield

I’m not even going to think about the nonsensical story in this one. It has more holes in it than a mainstream media 'news' story, so lets forget it. And as for who the Shield and Evolution are and what they represent. Errrrrr, Old thugs and new thugs I guess. That’s all I can get out of it. Two groups of unpleasant people who think that humanity is a Darwinian battle for survival by beating on anybody who gets in your way. It’s no surprise that most of the WWE wrestlers have names based on animals, as that is what they think humanity is all about. Dumb animals fighting dumb animals. How wrong they are, and when you think about it you have to conclude that the dangerous mindset pushed here only leads to perpetual war and conflict, forever and ever, and ever. I guess that’s why it’s on television. Pushing the idea that is so beloved by the elite’s, keeping the people fighting amongst themselves for the scant scraps that fall from their private banking, fractional reserve table.
The match itself started with a disinterested crowd. Perhaps they were not yet back from the T-shirt stands, but this was a huge contrast to the Cena match, which started red hot from the opening bell. They then went into the crowd early, which was weird because that had already happened in the Cena match. Aren’t you only supposed to do the crowd brawl once per evening? Batista looked odd in blue pants and armbands, and the crowd was not into the match at all, which was surprising to me. Perhaps the Cena match had burned them out? When a crowd doesn’t care about a match it tells you that the wrestling bookers have got something wrong. What did they get wrong here? A lack of compelling story probably combined with the Cena match being too long and draining all of the crowd energy, leaving nothing for the main event. You’d think the WWE would know better, but evidentially not. The commentators also noticed the odd outfit that Batista was wearing, mentioning that ‘Bluetista’ was now trending on twitter. That was fun, but the middle of the match, not so much. It was so quiet that you could hear the wrestlers talking to each other, and remember, this was the main event.  Even a power bomb spot through a table couldn’t awaken the crowd. It got worse when the old men of evolution started to whip the new fan favourite Roman Reigns with kendo sticks, demystifying and emasculating him in front of a silent crowd. This was bad. Shield matches are usually good, but this was as boring as they’ve been in months. I don’t blame them though. I blame the booking. The finish was Reigns beating HHH, but the damage had already been done. This guy was supposed to be the next big thing, but he was booked very badly here. The show ended with the commentators talking about ‘The extinction of evolution’ which is pretty stupid, but not as stupid as the booking on this main event that made Roman Reigns look very weak, and failed to turn him into the big star that the WWE desperately needs. As the PPV ended the commentators were running out of things to say, and the crowd was dead silent in apathetic bewilderment caused by the poor booking of the main event. Rating **


Overall Conclusions on the show

This was a card that had a number of matches that I really enjoyed. The Cena match was a lot of fun, but it probably did too much and took away a lot of the crowd heat for the main event. That main event was badly booked, and left the Shield, and Roman Reigns in particular, looking very weak. The Cena match should obviously have been the main event, as that was the match that the crowd mostly cared about. Bad writing, and booking is hurting the Shield, and I just hope that the WWE do something to stop one of their hottest acts in the past year from losing the momentum that they have built up over the past year.

Best Match: Cena V Wyatt.

Worst Match: Shield V Evolution (for the reasons stated above).

MVP of the card: John Cena.

Clown of the card: Bluetista.

Rating 6/10.