Written by: Mark. A. Pritchard
Released on: The Rorshach Rant- 27th February 2015
A thundering on the door was the signal of a new beginning, the start of a day that would change everything for young Ms Eva Truth (real name Elizabeth Ponsolby Holdings). Armed only with her mobile phone she bravely walked down the stairs to investigate just what the jolly hell was going on. By the time she had made the twenty-yard walk the Police were already on the scene. Her speed dialling bravery had saved the day once again.
She opened the door with caution, can of mace in hand, to find three Police cars, numerous Police officers and her handcuffed and embarrassed looking brother Rufus.
‘Oh hi Rufus, what’s up?’ said an empowered and confident Ms Truth.
‘Hi Liz, any chance you can explain to these gentlemen that I’m not the serial rapist you described on the telephone?’ replied a clearly annoyed and exasperated Rufus.
After a quick explanation, some on the spot counselling from a concerned WPC the brave feminist warrior Ms Truth finally allowed her brother to come into her house for a cup of tea, biscuits and a quick chat.
‘Now Rufus, before we begin I have to make things very clear here.’ Started a still shaking (but bravely) Ms Truth as she put the kettle on and made for the chocolate bourbons.
‘You have to understand that you can’t just knock on my door at 10am in the morning and expect me not to be concerned. You have to…..’
‘Wait a second,’ interrupted Rufus. I come around here every Wednesday morning to baby-sit for baby Sojourner and it hasn’t been a problem so far.’
‘Yes, but today is Thursday Rufus, today is Thursday.’
‘Oh my word,’ he cried. ‘Whatever could have happened? I feel a bit queazy. I thought it was Wednesday, but it’s actually Thursday??? Oh my mother earth goddess, I think I’m going to faint.’
‘You stay right here bruv, don’t do a thing, don’t even move a muscle,’ replied Ms Truth, now taking charge in a confident female manner. ‘This is a mystery for a super heroine to investigate, and I know just the woman for the job. You stay here. I need to make a call. ’
‘But what about baby Sojourner?’ replied Rufus. ‘Where is she? Is she at her Dad’s, is she….’
But before he could finish the sentence his fiercely determined sister was off, out of the room. There was no time to waste. Patriarchy was a menace that had to be snuffed out immediately, and every second spent talking about babies, children or families was a precious second wasted.
An hour later, and after the upstairs sounds of a shower, hairdryer and Pussy Riot CD, the living-room door flew open, and there she was, the heroine of the masses, the saviour of the offended, the amazingly empowered MS MORALITY.
What a sight it was to behold. Trouser suited, Pink Doctor Martin boots a cute orange balaclava and a little briefcase to show that this was a businesswoman, and not somebody that you should be messing with.
‘Greetings comrade. I hear you have been threatened/slightly offended by a mysterious event that was out of your control, and as a young homosexual gender neutral comrade of the politically correct nation of togetherness I am here to right all wrongs that were done to you.’
Her voice was booming, empowered and impressive, but not in an aggressive way. Young Rufus sat back in awe, quietly clapping his hands like a Dolphin at a theme park.
‘Ohhhh Ms Morality, I can’t believe that you have taken time-out from your duties at the politically correct nation of togetherness to help somebody like me.’
‘Of course comrade, that’s what we are here for. Whenever one of our comrades has suffered we are here to help. So what is the problem? Your sister told me that it was urgent, that you had lost something because of the evil system of white heterosexual patriarchy. Please tell me, calmly, in your own time, what have the evil b******s done to you? ’
After five minutes of explanation our quick-witted heroic detective/investigator/super-heroine determined that a conspiracy was afoot. It couldn’t be the fault of Rufus that he had managed to lose an entire day. He was after all just a single young gay man living all alone in the cold, harsh city. No, something else had to be happening, something bigger that needed to be investigated.
‘I detect the intolerant and probably secretly gay workings of master criminal Doctor Homophobial behind what has happened to you. If anybody would have the motivation to cause the unpleasant scene with the Police that so victimised you this morning then it would have to be him.’
‘Oh, how do you know about the Police?’ replied Rufus. ‘I forgot to mention them. I just said that I’d lost a day and thought it was a bit strange.’
‘Ha ha ha, my young friend,’ replied the resplendent superheroine. ‘We are always listening, we are always watching, but just for your own protection of course.’
‘But now, I must be gone. It appears that Doctor Homophobial is up to his old tricks again, and it’s up to the nation of togetherness to stop him. That is our duty. That is our curse. Oh, and you don’t mind if I have a quick look around your flat for clues do you?’
‘Of course not Ms Morality, do you need a key?’ replied a now visibly shaking with excitement Rufus.
‘Ah no, that won’t be necessary. Just thought I’d ask. I’d hate to intrude on your privacy without asking.’
‘But didn’t you just say that you were listening and watching me for my own protection? And where’s my sister gone?’
‘No time for that comrade,’ interrupted a heavily in thought Ms Morality. ‘No time to waste, I must get to the bottom of this intriguing mystery.’
And with a quick nibble on a custard cream, the brave, heroic, towering, empowering superheroine was off into the dangerous mid afternoon traffic to investigate this now deepening mystery.
Meanwhile….deep in the bowels of their mancave of intolerance the evil gang of villains known as the ‘Politically Incorrect Scoundrels’ planned their next move. The leader of the Scoundrels, a particularly evil, devilish and devious character known only as ‘The Dissenter’ spoke up:
‘Stage one of the operation has now been completed my politically incorrect brethren of rogues. The trap has been sprung, and Ms Morality is walking straight into it. Now we move on to stage two of the plan. Operation Disempower is going exactly as planned, and it’s time we turned up the heat on little Ms Morality. Ha ha ha ha.’
The evil, intolerant laugh of the menace to society known as ‘The Dissenter’ echoed menacingly in the mancave of the rogues, and all the while Ms Morality was walking straight into their trap, a trap that could spell the end of her intolerance busting days, forever.
END OF PART ONE
Miss Morality will return next week (Friday 6th March) in ‘The Tunnels of Intolerance’- Part 2. What do the brethren of rogues have planned for her? What exactly is ‘Operation Disempower?’ All will be revealed next week. DON’T MISS IT.
* If any artist would be willing to illustrate this story, then please let me know.
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