Comic review: Midnighter #4- Starring (or not) Cecil, the Vampire Lion

Writer: Steve Orlando
Artist: Stephen Mooney
Publisher: DC Comics
Released: 2nd September 2015



If you’ve read any of my previous reviews you’ll know that I’m a bit of a reality junkie. I like my comic books to be controversial, to be edgy, and to say something about the world as it is today.

'Yo man, where's that vampire lion at?'

DC and Marvel are brilliant at avoiding reality, and mainstream corporate consensus is writ large all over the pages of their books. These comic books help to prop up the legitimacy of the corporations and governments that own the western world.

Their writers are not brave, or edgy, or controversial. They might be talented, but truth-tellers they are most certainly not. They write what they are allowed to write, and the best and most celebrated comic book writers of our times push mainstream programming narratives without even realising it.

I’ve taken it upon myself to buy these books, these neoliberal vehicles of New World Order consensus, and to talk about the programming they are feeding into the minds of their readers. This doesn’t make me very popular, but that’s okay.

If you want to read a review that talks about how good the stories and art are, go somewhere else. My reviews are not about how ‘cool’ the characters are, or how ‘cool’ the art is, or how ‘cool’ the plot twists are, or how ‘cool’ the references to previous books are. I talk about the socio-political assumptions that the books are making. That’s what I do, and that is the only reason why I review daft comic books like Midnighter #4.

I haven’t read the book before, and I’m not familiar with the characters. Before purchasing the book all I knew was that the story involved Russia, and that it has vampires in it.

The book begins with a sub-heading- Moscow, the Forty-Forties.’ That’s already confusing. Does it mean the real world 1940’s or some comic book time period that never existed? By the end of the book I was still unsure about that. Anyway, the plot is a comic book critique of those rich people that go on Big Game hunting safaris. In the real world there was controversy over some dentist bloke shooting a lion called Cecil. He thought that he was allowed to shoot it, so he did. However, he wasn’t actually allowed to shoot poor old Cecil, the tour guide had deceived him, and now he’s a figure of worldwide hate. Humans are very odd. Shoot a lion and they get very upset, kill a million cows, and the same people couldn’t give a s***. Oh well, that’s the madness of our times.

Midnighter #4 replaces animals with vampires, with the rich people paying to kill a vampire, as opposed to a big cat. The book shows a group of men partying, killing a chained up vampire and feeling all macho about themselves for doing so. The heroes in this tale are two pretty boys who are going to give those evil vampire killers what they deserve. One is the Midnighter, and the other is Grayson. I couldn’t tell them apart, as they look the same, have the same physiques, and both engage in the same quips and smart-ass action hero banter.

Here come the tough guy heroes.

The book follows these two heroes as they beat up the cowardly vampire killers, and the people who set the vampire kill up for them. The two heroes are extremely violent, use torture like it’s cool, and have a great time quipping and high kicking as they inevitably defeat the evildoers and end up having a celebratory drink in that big creepy UN building in New York.

Do they work for the UN? Probably, because as we all know, the United Nations are the good guys, cough Rockefeller funded Zionism. Err, aren’t they? Of course they are. Don’t question the programming, enjoy the book, wow, it was so cool, did you see that punch and quip, and oh yeah, hunting is bad, eating meat is okay.

The book concludes, as all good comic books conclude, with a seeming defeat for the villains, and with the evil mastermind behind it all laughing and declaring that his plan is going just as he envisioned, and that the heroes don’t know what’s in store for them next, ha ha ha ha ha.

So yep, Midnighter #4 is just another comic book. The brave and daring libtard message is that hunting is bad, and that you shouldn’t kill defenceless animals. It’s a comic book that you can safely enjoy at McDonald’s with a Big McCancer burger whilst feeling good about yourself. If the two heroes were either vegetarian or animal welfare workers then it would have helped to clarify the meaning in the book, and it would also have given it all a sense of moral legitimacy, but there was no mention of vegetarianism or animal welfare anywhere within the narrative. Hey man, the message is confused, of course it is, that’s DC for you. They are parroting the popular lies of our times, and as lies are always contradictory, that’s what you get in books such as this.


Rating: 4/10 (Stupid quips and punches comic book that replaces Cecil the Lion with pretend vampires, oops was that a spoiler?)

Comic book review: Criminal Macabre- The Third Child #1: Not for the young and messed up

Writer: Steve Niles
Artist: Christopher Mitten
Colourist: Michelle Madsen
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Released: 17th September 2014


The main protagonist of Criminal Macabre is a ‘Pill popping, alcoholic degenerate’ by the name of Cal McDonald. He has great hair, looks like a movie star, has a glass of whiskey in one had, a gun in the other, a cigarette perpetually dangling from his mouth and an air of super cool alienation and dissatisfaction with everything and everyone around him. In other words, he’s the kind of twit that can act as a dangerous role model for a lot of lost and lonely young men out there.

You know the kind of young man that has no direction in his life? The kind of man who cannot find his place, so he dives into books and sees a weird outsider like himself, but this outsider is cool, really cool, dark and interesting. This fictional character might be sick and alienated, just like the lost young man, but he’s really, really cool, and that’s what the young man wants to be. He wants to be cool, dark and interesting, not just messed up, lonely and bored. Looking for a role model he can identify with, he’ll find one here.

You can probably guess why I’m saying this, right?  I used to be the lost young man that I’m referring to here, and putting myself back into my old shoes of self imposed isolation and misery I can see myself getting a kick out of the character of Cal McDonald. That’s not to say that I would try to act like him, that I’d try to dress like him, try to talk like him. No, that would be too obvious. I was pretty stupid, but not that stupid. On a subconscious level I would more than likely identify with the character. See, I would say to myself. Just because you are a mess it doesn’t mean that you can’t be cool. The character is probably taking it even further than that. On one level he’s telling readers that the way to be cool and interesting is to be completely messed up. That’s bullshit. It’s a really, really terrible message to be putting out there into the world. Here’s a revelation.

THERE IS NO ‘COOL’ IN BEING A MESS.

Is the Cal McDonald character dangerous to young male readers? He kind of is you know. He doesn’t encourage you to change. He encourages you to wallow in your alienation and misery. Drink another drink, smoke another cancer stick, it’s cool you know? I’ll tell you what. I’ll let Cal McDonald explain himself in his own words:

“I’ll do what I want and when I want. Got it?”

“Why don’t you get off my back?”

“No, don’t touch me.”

"Is this an intervention?”

He sounds like a pretty messed up young man, doesn’t he? He sounds like a man with problems, with people trying to help him out, but he’s fighting against the help and fighting against his own self hate. Again, it’s very cool, very teenager, very young man, and it’s very stupid.

If you are an unhappy, messed-up, alienated young man, then don’t buy this book. You might enjoy it, but it won’t be doing you any good. You’ll probably end up identifying with the Cal character, and he’s not the kind of person that you want to be identifying with. He’ll end up giving you the deceptive belief that being messed up makes you interesting. That’s not how reality works. Being messed up does not make you interesting. It makes you sad, and pitiful and very, very lonely. And don’t kid yourself that girls have some kind of weird fetish for messed up, ‘dark’ and introspective personalities. They don’t.

Having got that monkey off my back I want to say a few nice things about the book as well, because it is not a bad book. The Cal character is funny, engaging and likeable. He’s the narrator, and when he talks it’s like he’s a best buddy talking directly to you. The book follows Cal and his buddies as they save the world from weird monsters whilst Cal looks super dashing and tormented in his long black trench-coat, with his designer stubble, spiky haircut and dangling cigarette. The story is simple, and Cal is cool. He is dangerously cool, but I’ve already discussed that.

I know I don’t always talk a lot about the art in my reviews, but that’s because I’m not an artist. I don’t want to give you a misinformed, uneducated view, so I keep it short and just tell you whether or not I liked it. What did I think about the art in this book? I liked it. The narrative is set at night and the colours along with the frenetic, almost casually unfinished style of pencilling works very well to create a super cool atmosphere perfectly in keeping with the Cal character. I enjoy art when it gets a bit rough, wild and wonky, and that style is perfect for this book.

Get this book if you want a brief splash of silly sick cool in your life, but don’t get it if you are a messed up young man. If you are, and if you are still under the misapprehension that being fucked up is going to make you appear to be cool and interesting then I wouldn’t bother with this one. Get something that celebrates health, not illness. Get something like Conan the Barbarian, a book that celebrates masculine pride and strength and getting your arse off of the couch and doing something with your life other than moping around feeling sorry for yourself.

‘Criminal Macabre: The Third Child’ is a book with a messed up protagonist that tells you that illness and disease is super cool. It’s a book that tells you that alcoholism and alienation is something to aspire to. The book is a liar. It’s not cool to be messed up, it kind of sucks, actually it sucks a lot. Look at the shaky old man who drinks by himself in the pub during the day as happy young families enjoy a lunch-break around him. That is the reality behind Cal McDonald, and it’s about as far from cool and interesting as you can possibly imagine. I did like the book though, dangerous as it is. The art is very stylish, the colouring is very nice and the dialogue is a lot of fun as well. Buy it, but only if you have successfully passed the messed up young man stage of your life.

Rating: 7/10