Comic review: Savior #1- Pretentious, tired, old, smelly and flat

Story: Todd McFarlane & Brian Holguin
Art: Clayton Crain
Publisher: Image Comics
Released: 8th April 2015



There are so many things about this book that annoy the heck out of me, so many that I don’t even know where to start, but I do know this for a fact.

I’m going to enjoy slogging this one off.

Yeah, I know that sounds mean-spirited of me, but I’m sorry. I’ve just been served up a turd sandwich, taken a big optimistic bite of it and spat it out all over my carpet. The sandwich was bloody awful, and I want to tell everybody all about it. I want to moan. I want to vent. I want to warn anybody else who might be tempted into taking a bite of this monstrosity.

DON’T.

IT TASTES LIKE DOG ****.

The book begins with a television visual trope of a bird pecking at roadkill. It then moves onto another television trope, the moment of violence, that ends mid scene to be replaced by a ‘Six-Month’s Earlier’ panel. The idea is to get you excited with violence, and to then rewind the story and give you all of the boring stuff that preceded it.  So far, so formulaic, the book is reading like a screenplay for a television show or at least a pitch for one. Ho-hum.

From formulaic it gets pretentious and annoying REAL fast. The plot switches to ace female reporter Lois Lane (or whatever her name is) lecturing and patronising a bunch of school kids by basically telling them that they are going to live their lives with closed minds, only going to Internet sites that talk about the President being an alien and the Moon landings being a hoax. Err, what Internet sites is she talking about? I’m the ‘conspiracy’ comic book guy and I can’t EVER recall seeing any Internet site that claims the President is an alien. A globalist puppet fraud perhaps? But not an alien, that’s a new one on me.

And the moon landing hoax thing is so old and irrelevant now that I can’t even remember the last time that anybody talked about it. This ace female reporter is supposed to be some young up and comer in her early twenties, so how come she sounds like a fifty-year-old guy who is scared of the Internet?

She then goes on to make the case that because people have more choice on the Internet that means that they are really dumb and never look at any alternative points of view to the ones they already have. Yeah, I agree with that, but that’s exactly what television news does as well, and if this ace reporter works for the mainstream media herself it will be exactly what she herself is doing. She will know her audience, and pander to it in order to climb her skinny arse up the corporate pole. If she doesn’t then career over and yet here she is lecturing kids like she is some sort of independent voice who is only looking for the truth. I call BULL**** on that one.

If she really were an independent voice looking for truth then she wouldn’t be on the mainstream media at all, she’d be an independent journalist doing her own thing, not following the well trodden corporate whore path, but making her own.

The point I’m making here, rather long-windedly, is that the heroine protagonist of this story is a fraud, and I don’t buy her for one single second. She is portrayed as a heroine, but what she would actually be in the real world is a part of a discredited and dying dinosaur disinformation system that is being wiped out by independent, truth seeking journalists on the Internet.

I can’t read a comic book where I despise the supposed heroine protagonist, but what about the story? Is it any good? Nope, it’s horrible. This ace reporter (after patronising everybody in the small town where she grew up with her smug, self-satisfied ‘success’ story) then finds herself bang in the middle of a huge story as an airliner conveniently crash lands about ten yards away from her car. Don’t worry, she’s not hurt. After a unconvincing attempt at pretending she cares about injured passengers she goes straight into ace reporter mode, picks up her camera and, get ready for the cliché, witnesses a miracle. It’s Jesus, the Second Coming, he’s saving people, and this is impossible.

That’s it. That’s all you’re going to get in Savior #1.

This is tired old repackaged Hollywood nonsense.  Savior is one of those stories that you read and think; ‘I’ve read this one before haven’t I?’ The answer to that question is, YES. You’ve certainly seen it before, probably a thousand-times over in fact. I remember seeing one that had Bruce Willis in it.

That movie (Unbreakable) wasn’t exactly applauded for it’s originality when it was first released, and all you are going to get in this comic book is another twist on that uninspired old idea.

There is nothing here. It’s lazy, outdated, and woefully lacking in the ideas department. I don’t care if issue #2 is the best book in the world, because I won’t be reading it. This debut turd of an issue has killed any interest I could ever have in the story.

There was nothing about this book that I liked, absolutely nothing. It’s pretentious recycled bog rolls wrapped up with some vague 90’s Internet and religion guff. A total waste of time from beginning to end, Savior #1 is a turd sandwich so pungent, so gross, so awful that it needs to be wrapped up in an air-tight bag and flushed away as soon as possible.



Rating: 1/10 (Pretentious old codswallop)

Review: Spawn #245- 90's adolescent

Writer: Todd McFarlane
Artist: Todd McFarlane and Szymon Kudranski
Publisher: Image Comics
Released: 9th July 2014


It might seem a bit strange for me to say this, especially if you think that I am some sort of far too knowledgeable comic book geek (which I’m not), but I didn’t know much about the Spawn character before picking up this book. I knew it had something to do with Spiderman, and that’s probably why I hadn’t bothered with it before. You see Spiderman is for children, and I haven’t been a child for a very long time, so I pay no heed to Spiderman. That makes sense, right?

I picked up Spawn #245 because I liked the creepy front cover of the fat evil clown, and yes I know the image is a very worn out cliché, but it’s still a good image and also because I didn’t have that many comic books to read this week.

I was initially a bit confused with the book as I saw it was an Image comic, and even I know that Spiderman is Marvel, so what was going on here? A quick Start Page search later (I don’t use the NSA search engine of choice Google) and I was up to date with the situation between Todd McFarlane and Marvel. It's not that complicated.

McFarlane created Spawn in the early 1990’s (not that bloody time period again. Comics have been stuck there for far too long now) whilst working for Marvel, and he had a bit of success with it and decided to bring the character out of Marvel and into Image comics, which he helped to set up. A good idea, and I’m sure he has a healthy bank account now because of it. But is the book any good in 2014?

First off, this is not really a comic book for grown-ups. It’s still very much a comic, with themes and characters designed for the perpetually adolescent mind-set. An audience that might be physically in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or 50’s, but it’s an audience still stuck in the dating and getting to find their way in the world stage of their developments. It’s a Spiderman book basically, for people who haven’t grown up, and perhaps never will. Why do I say this? Because issue #245 has all of those teenage, adolescent concerns that you will find in a television show about twenty-something’s, before children and commitments come along to make things complicated, and stick you on the boring treadmill of routine that so many adults waste their lives upon.

The main protagonist is a handsome, well built superstar celebrity with a gorgeous girl desperately in love with him, a great career and strangers obsessing over how intriguing he is as he nonchalantly passes them by in the street, all cool and mysterious and handsome. This is a wish fulfilment character for teenage boys. The story is all about him, his exciting past and how people just want to understand what makes him so fascinating, so dangerous, so sexy, and so handsome. The book ends with a common fear of the teenage boy, a crazy girl with a knife who will emasculate you (choppy) and take away all of your cool independence and boyhood testosterone driven power.

The art has a darkness to it that gives the impression that this is more ‘adult’ and serious than it actually is, but some of the facials look a bit expressionless and two dimensional. Overall, I’ve seen a lot worse and it does create an atmosphere that just about carries the narrative. There’s no Clown in the book by the way, but that’s okay. If you trust covers you don’t know comics.

It sounds like I hated the book, but I didn’t hate it at all. Comic books by their very nature are adolescent, and this is a half-decent adolescent comic book. There are no New World order issues explored in the book, so it could have been set in any time period, and is most redolent to myself of the early 1990’s time period in which the writer first created the character.

There are mentions of blogs and celebrity television, but there’s more to these times than just throwing in references to new technologies every now and then. Just ask Edward Snowden about it. A guy who told the truth, and is now hiding out in Russia because the criminal US government wants to put him in jail for doing so. We live in very strange and dangerous times. Times where the lies of the western governments that are owned and controlled by undemocratic banking families and corporate interests are being increasingly exposed. The best comic books will reflect the times in which they are written. This book doesn’t do that.

I have to ask a question of myself. Do I really need another 1990’s comic book in my collection? This book is okay, but it’s not exactly cutting edge, and I’m looking for cutting edge these days. I want to read something that screams 2014, not 1992. I’ll be fair to it though, because it does intrigue me, a little. I’ll give it two more months, and if I see any 2014 concerns explored in the book then I’ll keep reading. If I don’t, then at least I know what Spawn is about. It’s not bad. It’s a good comic for teenage boys, but for somebody of my advanced years I need just a little more than it’s giving at the moment. But hey, two months. We’ll see.
Rating: 7/10