Comic review: Think Tank #1- Government is young, sexy and cool (Err, hang on, are you sure about that?)

STORY BY: Matt Hawkins
ART BY: Rahsan Ekedal
PUBLISHER: Top Cow Productions
RELEASED: 6th April 2016



Okay Matt, here we go again. So, what is this one about?

It’s about super cool, sexy, young, quipping government employees designing weapons to be used in foreign policy murder campaigns for the banks and corporations that run the US government.

But how will the painfully progressive Top Cow guys and girls write a comic book about government agents and not mention that the people being murdered are their favourite tolerate friends, the Muslims?

Remember that you are not allowed to have Muslim terrorists as the villains in a progressive comic book. That’s a no-no. In the regressive progressive comic book world of empowered high kicking females and cuckold men, Islam is a religion of peace, and all of the wrongs of the world are caused by evil, right-wing (meaning Christian) white men. That’s the blind as a bat truth, as told in comic books, and if you disagree, then you are obviously a racist, sexist, homophobic, Islamaphobic, Trump supporting bigot.

Compromised hoodie. Slack Wives Matter?

You are not a racist, are you?

Sorry, but that’s how it works, that’s the indoctrination you get from your comic books. Sorry kids, but it’s true.

Don’t worry progressives, you can read this comic book and still feel good about yourself, as the tricky real world reality of global Islamic terrorism is not mentioned in this comic book. Top Cow gets around the problem by featuring some African terrorists that most people have never heard of, and by only referring to them by the name of their gang, and not by the name that really identifies them, that being: ISLAMIC TERRORISTS.

Of course the terrorists are Islamists, they always are, but that’s not mentioned here, so don’t worry your sweet progressive heads about it. Plus, all of the main characters are ‘diverse,’ and the hero has a black girlfriend, so you can be sure that he’s a good guy, or is he? He is a white male after all. Yes, you can read this comic book and feel progressively good about yourself, so don’t worry. Reality step aside, here comes the comic book choo choo train of politically correct unreality, driven by your friendly liberals at Top Cow Productions.

The book isn’t going to stress you with boring ‘politics’ talk. It’s more concerned with a cool guy with great hair, and an empowered young female working (as leader, obviously) in super- sexy government funded astrophysics swimming pool related research. The plot is paranoia central, with an idea coming from a book about the power grid going down. Err, hasn’t that been done before, like, a lot? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you didn’t expect originality here, did you? Is it going to have desperate humans acting like zombies? Is it going to feature super-smart commentary on capitalism/shopping being bad, or something? Probably, we all like zombies, communism and old metaphors, right?

Hey Matt, writers write what they know, don’t they? I write. I write what I know. I don’t write about CIA agents because I don’t know a thing about CIA agents, mainly because I am not a CIA agent, and I don’t know any CIA agents either. (Insert passive-aggressive smarmy quip about ‘research’ here)

So, as a guy who obviously doesn’t do any research at all, what do I write about? I write about solitary blokes looking at the world from the outside. I write about anarchists, people outside, happily outside, and not looking to get corrupted by the beast of government, and then I read a comic book like ‘Think Tank #1’ and it’s all about government insiders.

US comic book industry, why do you keep on biting me on the butt? Why do you continue to ignore reality, and continue to suck? Why do I keep on giving you chance after chance after chance? I must be suffering from some kind of expensively made-up psychological disorder. Why do I keep on going back to my perpetual abuser? Somebody call me a lawyer, I can make some money out of this, can’t I?

President Matt is either already an insider, or he wants to be one. Wish fulfilment or writing your life? I don’t think that he’s cashing a cheque from the CIA, I really don’t. His persistent virtue signalling tells me that he’s just another modern US progressive, he writes what he believes in, that’s all. I don’t hate the guy. Either way, Matt is a statist kind of guy who thinks that state order followers are young, sexy and cool, so I can see why he has found his place in US comic books.

The US comic book industry is drowning in cultural Marxism, progressive politics and statism, so I shouldn’t act all surprised about this book.

He's cool, he's sexy, he's making guns for government.

It’s an advert, for the state: Join the cult of government. See the world. Shoot somebody in the head (from a safe distance, and with night-vision goggles) it will be a lot of fun.

And for those saying, ‘But there’s a twist, the protagonist is actually fighting against the corrupt elites, blah, blah blah,’ that’s not really the point I’m making here. Of course there’s a twist, that’s how it always works in comic books, but I’m not going to be hanging around with the super cool sexy government employees whilst waiting for it. That costs me time, and money, and I’m not wasting it on a book like this.

I guess what really bugs me about ‘Think Tank #1’ is that the government characters are portrayed as wacky, interesting, sexy, cool individuals that you really would want to be friends with. Yuck. It would be like doing a book about Hell-hole Communist Russia with Stalin and all of his chums having wacky, super progressive and self-aware conversations, whilst our hero sexy guy is doing the twisty turny thing. Sod that. I’m not reading an entire arc full of smiling nut-job government twats in sexy land. Sod the mentalness of it, if that’s even a bloody word, and it should be. Sod it, sod this comic, and sod the progressively insane government-worshipping world of cloud cuckoo land leftism.

Humanity continues to suffer from the authority worshipping disease called statism, and ‘Think Tank #1’ portrays that brain-rotting disease to an absolute tee. The protagonist could end up being my kind of anarchist, turning against his programming in order to promote a new world of volunteerism and self determination away from the centralised tyranny of the state, but do I trust Matt Hawkins to write that? In short, no, I don’t. What I do expect is more of the same government worship that I have read in his other books. I expect calls for better pigs in the system (Ref: Animal farm), rather than real solutions to the problems caused by large socialist governments. I’m not reading that. I’m not subjecting myself to more of that, whilst hoping for an anarchist twist at the end of the book. Everything that I’ve read in issue #1 tells me that the writer thinks that government is cool.

I disagree.

Government is not young, sexy or cool. Government is a gun to your head, pay us our tribute, or you are dead. Government is a gangster, a thug coward who wants you to worship him like a God. Sod off government. You are not God. I will not worship you. I will not join your cult.

Time’s up Top Cow, last chance gone. I’ll look elsewhere for some sanity in this dark world, because I’m certainly not going to find it in anything that you are pumping out. I wish you the best, but I can’t get to where I want to go on your progressive ride to nowhere.



Rating: N/A (An anarchist rating a progressive statist’s love letter to government wouldn’t be fair, would it? It would be like an atheist reviewing the Bible. Err hang on, didn’t that Dawkins bloke make a career out of that? Oh well, low hanging fruits. I’ll choose to pass.)

REVIEW: Pro Wrestling Chaos ‘Heir 2 The Throne’ Active Sports Centre Bristol UK 9th April 2016

Pro Wrestling Chaos on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ProWrestlingChaos/

On Twitter: https://twitter.com/chaos_wrestling


I decided to go to the wrestling, for the first time in a long time. Has it been over a decade since my last live event? Let me think. No, I went to that one in Swindon a couple of years ago. It was okay. Some of the wrestlers go to the same gym that I go to. They wear headphones and ignore everybody. Another story, not that there is a story there, as when headphones go on, people go away, the end. Anyway, this wrestling event, the one in Bristol, it was bigger, and better than the Swindon one. I’ll say a few words about it:

It started at 7pm. I got there at 6:30pm. Most people were already seated, but I had a good walk around before it all kicked off. The Action Indoor Sports Centre is a nice big building, dark, and it has some atmosphere to it, feels underground, dare I say it? Cool, like a 90’s movie, a cool movie, about cool people, doing cool things, underground. I don’t like movie cool, but I did like the building, contradictory contrarian that I am, oh well.

The audience: Families, drunk blokes, bearded guys in Bullet club T-shirts. Lots of beards, it’s the trend now, makes me want to shave, but I can’t be bothered. I'll wait. Trends pass. There were lots of girls at the event. More girls than I thought there would be. I didn’t realise that girls were into pro wrestling, and what’s up with trying to look like Harley Quinn? She’s a psychotic loser, not a role model. Is it cool to be a nut-job now? I notice these things. I don’t get out much.

In the building, I sat alone, with a bottle of water for a substitute friend, and the event began. Oh, Pro Wrestling Chaos have a great ring announcer. Loud, enthusiastic, clear voice. Top job mate. To the matches: (and thanks to Tom Smith (@Tommy_Roxx) for the results from the show).


Match One:  

Heir To The Throne Ladder Match – Winner Earns A Championship Match At Time Of Their Choosing – Flash Morgan Webster defeated ‘Evil’ Ian Williams, Gideon, KillBane, ‘Mr Massive’ Chuck Cyrus, Panda Cub, Eddie Ryan & Alex Steele to win the Heir To The Throne Ladder match although he was not an official competitor in the contest.

The ring-ropes were far too loose. The wrestlers had to be really careful with some of their spots. They need to sort that out. The match featured a scrawny heel, a bloke who looked like Edge and the kids at the back loved a solid worker muscle guy called ‘Mr Massive.’ The scrawny heel ‘Ian Williams’ was great. Heels should be weak, cowardly and they should cheat. Williams had good facials, and you just knew that everybody could beat him up. He was the Joker as the Joker should be, not tough, not cool, just scrawny, mouthy and eminently punchable. He was the guy you don’t want to win, mainly because you know that he massively sucks, and he reminds you of that bloke you know in the real world who also massively sucks, yet manipulates and squirms to get one over on you. The end of the match was confusing as a bloke from the back came in and grabbed the briefcase. He won the match, even though he wasn’t in the match, and as most of the fans didn’t know who the bloke was, it fell a bit flat. It was a decent match though, even with the loose ropes and flat finish.

Rating: 6/10 (No star ratings. I never like the Meltzer star thing. It’s wrestling, entertainment, it should be rated out of 10, like a movie)


Match Two:

Knights Of Chaos Tag Team Championship Tournament – The SX Express (Scotty Essex & Paul Robinson) defeated DND (Danny Duggan & Cieran Donnelly) by Pinfall to advance in the Knights Of Chaos Tag Team Championship tournament.

A match that the kids and Internet fans all loved, with annoying cheating heels and naughty (kids love naughty) babyfaces who spat and did top flippy moves. A great tag-team match, lots of fun. Thumbs up, and a reminder to me that tag-team wrestling live, done well, with strong heels and charismatic athletic faces is a lot of fun.

Rating: 8/10


Match Three:

Mountevans Rules – Jack Gallagher defeated Johnny Kidd by 2 Falls to 1.

You could call this the ‘Keep Traditional UK Wrestling Alive’ match. I don’t have any problem with that. I wouldn’t want an entire night of it, but then again I wouldn’t want an entire night of Young Bucks spot-fests either. I enjoyed this match. Slow it down, tell a story, can he get out of that hold? Good stuff, with a cagey veteran and super fit youngster. Enjoyable change of pace, and the crowd was far more receptive to it than you might think.

Rating: 7/10


Match Four:

Falls Count Anywhere – ‘The Mexican Sensation’ El Ligero defeated ‘Ginger Jesus’ Mike Bird by Pinfall.

This one was the ‘Brawl through the crowd’ match. It’s place on the card, just after the slow World of Sports match, was perfect. Calm the crowd down, then hit them with the craziness, ups and downs, just like a rollercoaster, that’s how you book wrestling shows, so it was great match placement here from the bookers. I got myself a t-shirt during this match (I picked the Wild Boar shirt, best design by far) mainly because the wrestlers were brawling far away from my seat, and I couldn’t see them. This was a problem, and the crowd died a bit until the high-spot flip (done right next to my seat) and the end sequence in the ring. That’s the problem with these matches. You take the match around the crowd and most people haven’t got a clue what is going on, so the collective crowd heat dies. They picked it up in the ring by the end though, getting the crowd back with high-spots, false-finishes and brutality. Ginger Jesus was a good hateful villain, and Ligero was a super over, in fantastic shape agile hero. Good match, hard working guys, dealing again with the loose ropes, and portraying brutality, safely.

Rating: 7.5/10

Match Five: 

ROH World Heavyweight Championship – Jay Lethal defeated ‘White Lightning’ Mark Andrews by Pinfall to retain the ROH World Heavyweight Championship.

After the break came the stars. Lethal is doing the old school superstar, best wrestler in the world Ric Flair (NWA) gimmick, and doing a great job at it, mainly because he is actually bloody good, and very believable as the best wrestler in the world. Super confident, arrogant, but not a heel. I like the gimmick, and I was massively impressed with Lethal. The mannerisms, the athleticism, the way he moves in the ring, the cool moves that he snaps into to pop the crowd, it’s all done with a deliberate, and effortless competence that tells you he is the boss, he is ‘The Man’ and you are lucky to be in his presence for the evening. This was a star performance from Jay Lethal. Witnessing him live, seeing his poise and composure, the effortless way he pulled the fans into the story of his match, was pure wrestling Nirvana. After the match was over (he won with his awesome Lethal Injection finisher) he grabbed the house mic, put over his opponent, and left as he arrived, as a star.

Rating: 9/10 (Match of the night)


Match Six:

TNA World Heavyweight Championship – ‘The Chosen One’ Drew Galloway defeated ‘The Pride Of Wales’ Eddie Dennis by Pinfall to retain the TNA World Heavyweight Championship.

TNA Champion Drew Galloway couldn’t quite match Jay Lethal and Mark Andrews, but he gave it a good shot, heeling all over the crowd, busting his butt to get the local guy over, and leaving as a face. Drew is a huge guy, in great shape, and very athletic, but his opponent wasn’t in his kind of elite shape, and struggled to keep up. It was an okay match, Drew worked hard, but in comparison to the Lethal/Andrews masterclass, it was a noticeable slower, clumsier, shakier, inferior match, mainly because Dennis wasn’t quite as polished as Andrews, so this is no knock on Galloway. It was an okay match, and Galloway did all that he could to make Dennis look great, but did I ever believe that the local lad was great? No, I don’t think so. Eddie Dennis has the size, but he has quite a way to go yet. He’s not in elite shape, and he doesn’t have the intangibles to get himself over in one of the big three US companies, not yet anyway. He has the body frame though, and he’s a young guy, so give him a few years, and who knows? If I see him on the television/Internet one day then I’ll be bloody happy, because that means that he will have worked really, really hard, and any success that he gets will be hard won, and well deserved.

Rating: 5/10 


(Last match): Main Event

King Of Chaos Championship – Tables Match – Wild Boar defeated Jackal (w/ Pariah Khan) to retain the King Of Chaos Championship.

Having the local guys on last, as the main event, after the international stars have already done their stuff, was either very brave, or very foolish. How many people would leave? It was getting late (past 10pm) and the kids were getting tired and the drunks were getting sleepy. A few left, but three quarters of the crowd stayed, and I stayed as well. I purchased a ‘Wild Boar’ T-shirt earlier in the evening, so I had to hang around and see if the man himself was any good, didn’t I?  I stood up for this match, taking it all in at the back of the arena, getting a perfect view of the entire crowd, their reactions, and the match itself. I enjoyed myself. I’m glad that I stayed. The crowd was into it, and my new T-shirt icon was great. They had a false finish that nobody cared about, but apart from that it was cool. The Wild Boar won, a table got crunched, and it was a perfectly decent match.

Rating: 7/10



Overall, conclusions, comments, thoughts, randomness:


Pro Wrestling Chaos ‘Heir 2 The Throne’ was a good night of pro wrestling.

Stand-out moment was a flip from El Ligero, mainly because it happened right next to me.

Best match was Lethal/Andrews.

Best wrestler was Jay Lethal. He had the poise, competence, and aura of an old school NWA champion.

Best local guy was Paul Andrews. A little, gobby, funny, naughty, super athletic bloke who looked like he was having a lot of fun, and got everybody into his match.

Mark Andrews gets a lot of bookings in the states because he’s bloody good, and he deserves to get a lot of bookings.

Action Indoor Sports Arena is a great venue to watch live wrestling.

A night out at the wrestling is a lot of fun. I need to get out a little bit more.

Tag team wrestling with athletic faces and cheating heels is lots of fun.

Old school (World of Sport) UK wrestling is not dead.

Wrestling crowds in 2016 are made up of hipsters, Internet geeks, drunks, families, kids and girls. I expected the hipsters, geeks, beards, kids and drunks, but not the girls.

Thanks @chaos_wrestling I had a great night out. I had a lot of fun, and yes, I will be back.