Writer: Scott Lobdell
Artist: Javier Fernandez
Publisher: DC Comics
Released: 17th June 2015
Doomed #1 is about a boy genius who gains superpowers after being contaminated in a science lab. It is a colourful, playful and inoffensive book, and is suitable for young children to read, unsupervised.
That’s the book, thanks for reading my review.
Okay, I’ll force myself.
The narrative in Doomed #1 follows a perfect specimen of comic book teendom, not much happens, apart from him being perfect. The tone is fluffy and nice. Oh, it does that old trick, starting with a moment of drama, then telling you how it got there. The book follows Mr perfect teen. He has a dream career waiting for him. He has a hot girl after him. He has some nice friends. He cleans a lab, gets contaminated, and is turned into a superhero/villain. This perfect teen is pretty much identical to Peter Parker.
The interesting question posed on the front cover of the comic book (Doomed. Is he hero, or villain?) is not even addressed, let alone resolved, and after finishing the book I’d already lost all interest in the answer to the question anyway.
Mr teen perfect is not real. He’s a cartoon, a happy smiling face on Nickelodeon, and he’s so soft, so unthreatening, so pathetic really. I don’t recall his name, not that it’s important, he could be anybody. Barry, Larry, Harry, whatever. He doesn’t resonate anything, he’s two-dimensional, a blank canvas perfect teen template that the writer can use to service a quick and meaningless comic book narrative that will shift a couple of units, or not.
Here’s an idea. How about writing a comic book tale that has as a protagonist, not a young teen who hasn’t yet experienced anything in life, but somebody a bit older, somebody with more colour, with more baggage, with more character and scope for narrative development?
If you insist on having all of the heroes/villains germinate as teens it limits the possibilities, and what inevitably ends up happening is a book like Doomed #1, with a generic teen protagonist who feels about as real as a fish based character in a Spongebox Squarepants cartoon.
‘But what about the audience,’ I hear the executives cry. Are they having a laugh? Who do they think is reading their comic books in 2015? It’s not teenagers, it’s old blokes like me.
Just go into any comic book shop, and you’ll see a vast variety of beards, but not that many school uniforms.
I don’t want to read about teens. Teens are boring, and they don’t interest me. Teens are just not yet fully formed adults, struggling for attention and faking every thing in a desperate need for attention. Look at me, look at my hair, look at my jacket, and listen to my loud voice and half-witted, ill-researched opinions. No thanks mate, I’d rather not. Come back when you’ve lived a little and have something interesting to say.
So what is the point in this latest teen superhero/villain book? It’s not exactly going to fly off the shelves, is it? Who exactly is calling out for another Spiderman clone book? Who is calling for another book about a teen getting powers in a lab? Who wants to read another book about a perfect teen and how he has troubles balancing, home, work, relationship and super powers in his life? Are people really calling out for this? Perhaps I’m wrong, please tell me if I am. I love being wrong, I really do.
So, again, and bearing in mind that it’s not going to be a best seller, what was the point in this book? Why does it even exist?
I guess it’s not going to offend anybody, so it has that going for it, if nothing else. And as DC is going out of it’s way to not offend anybody these days, then perhaps writer Scott Lobdell has achieved something after all? He’s written a generic teen gets powers comic book that won’t get him into trouble. He’s written a comic book that people won’t notice. He’s written a comic book that will be completely forgotten about this time, tomorrow. Well done Scott. You’ve written another superhero comic book with a teen protagonist that won’t offend anybody, just as DC wants it, and if that’s what they want, that’s what they get.
Rating: 3/10 (Move on, there’s nothing happening here)
