Comic Book Review: Demonic #1- Conflicted Cop Drama #60,86,88,888,872,33

Writer: Christopher Sebela
Artist: Niko Walter
Publisher: Image
Release Date: 18th August 2016


I’m going to write a comic book. It’s going to be about a sexy demon girl telling a man to do bad things. What kind of man can I use for that purpose? He has to be a good man, a conflicted man, umm, how about a cop? Yeah, a homicide (that means murder) cop, and he can have a partner and they can banter like those television shows about cops, and the movies about cops and the books about cops, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops, cops everywhere, hunting serial killers and lone crazy nut people. Man, I love cops.

2nd panel featuring George Bush Jr and Condoleezza Rice 

Oh and if the lead cop is a white guy then I guess his partner will have to be black, and female, yeah, that’s progressive, that will do.

Okay then, so I have my cop character, I’ll make him look like Matt Damon and give him a tight T-shirt with biceps attached. Yeah he’s generic, 2-D paper-thin, but that doesn’t matter. I can flesh him out with a wife and young daughter, yeah, that will do.

Good guy, conflicted, and I don’t even have to do any research because, well, this guy, the conflicted cop guy with wife and young daughter is a big block of television cliché, done a million times to death already, which means that it works, so why do something new when something old always works so well?

Okay then, conflicted slab of generic with Morgan Freeman, female version partner, so far so blah. Umm, how is my sexy demon girl going to make captain cop generic do bad things? I know, make his daughter ill, that will do, daughters are always ill or kidnapped in television dramas, so I guess that we’ll start with ill, then throw in the kidnapping later.

The demon girl can get him to do bad stuff by promising to make his daughter not ill anymore and he can have the get out clause that he’s only doing it to bad people and it’s making his daughter not be all ill and stuff.

Crazy person cliche alert

Perfect, and throw in some serial killer axe murderer cult demonic clichés with a bucket of mangled body parts, guts and blood that you can only see in an ‘adult’ comic and we are off to the generic races of cliché demon, cop story irrelevance.

Err, what does this have to do with anything in the world today? Nothing, and to prove that I have nothing whatsoever to offer I’ll write the entire first issue with no mention of any modern technology.

That means no cell phones, no Internet, no Pokemon Go, nothing, just generic city murder stuff and bars where depressed men drink whiskey like a 70’s television cop show.

Man, I’m a genius. I love being a comic book writer in 2016, it’s the perfect place to hang out if you have absolutely nothing to say, and want to get paid in peanuts for the privilege of doing so.

I’m feeling really good about this one. I don’t want to jinx myself, but I see television deals in my very near future.

Ah, it’s good to be alive. I wonder what’s going on outside? Ah, who gives a crap, reality sucks anyway.

Rating: 1/10 (1 point for the cover)